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OPINION/SATIRE: Test yourself: Are you a drug addict?

Article (news)

Alan Robles -- Hot Manila

Are you a drug addict? &quot;Of course not!&quot; you&#x27;ll strongly deny. But then, one night your taped-up body will be found on the street, lying beside packets of shabu and a .38 caliber pistol. Yes, yes, you DON&#x27;T have a pistol or packets of shabu, but how will you explain that to anyone if you&#x27;re dead?All of this could be avoided if you determined early you are actually a drug addict. You continue denying it, but you could be secretly one and not know it, ever thought about that? Thankfully, the supersmart guys at the Presidential Communications Operations Office (PCOO) have come to your rescue. They&#x27;ve devised a simple yet sophisticated test for you to find out if you&#x27;re really a drug addict. All you have to do is answer several simple questions. What your answers will show about you might shock you. Ready for the test?1. Do you stand around loitering on the street? a. No b. Yes I&#x27;m a drug addict2. When you do stand around loitering do you wear a shirt? a. No b. Yes I&#x27;m a drug addict3. Are you in favor of being arbitrarily picked up with no warrant and in violation of your human rights? a. Yes b. No I&#x27;m a drug addict4. Do you love President Duterte? a. Yes b. No I&#x27;m a drug addict5. Do you agree with all of the policies of the Duterte government? a. Yes b. No I&#x27;m a drug addict6. Do you find government&#x27;s so-called statistics on the drug war credible? a. Yes b. No I&#x27;m a drug addict 7. Do you favor a new constitution that will entrench all the trapos in power forever? a. Yes b. No I&#x27;m a drug addict8. . Do you favor giving territory to China? a. Yes b.. No I&#x27;m a drug addict 9. Do you love the Marcoses? a. Yes b. No I&#x27;m a drug addict10. Do you agree that tourism secretaries secretaries can give PHP 60 million in public funds to their brothers? a. Yes b. No I&#x27;m a drug addict11. Do you agree that the solicitor general can bag hundreds of millions in contracts for his company? a. Yes b. No I&#x27;m a drug addict12. Is the country really called <a href="http://news.abs-cbn.com/classified-odd/06/15/18/norwegia-pcoo-draws-flak-for-error">Norwegia</a>? a. Yes b. No I&#x27;m a drug addict How to score: if you chose (b) as an answer to any question, then sad to say, you are a drug addict. PCOO recommends staying home, keeping your shirt on while avoiding police attention. Lock yourself in a room and just read Mocha Uson&#x27;s posts. Pretty soon your brain will melt and you will need fentanyl. But then you already are a drug addict, you drug addict.