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OPINION: Secrets of Marcos' Tomb

Alan Robles

<div class="embed-wrap"><figure data-feedback="fb:likes,fb:comments"><img src="http://img.abs-cbnnews.com/2016/slideshow/marcos-burial/10-marcos-burial-IM.jpg"/></figure></div>Some say it&#x27;s a simple soldier&#x27;s grave, others say it holds deep dark secrets. Tonight on &quot;Ancient Mysteries&quot;, we investigate the truth behind one of the world&#x27;s monuments to douchebaggery - the Marcos tomb.What mysteries lie in this crypt? The coffin that was lowered into the ground was unusually small, leading some to suspect it wasn&#x27;t really Ferdinand Marcos who was buried, but a dwarf. Others say Marcos himself WAS a dwarf, a stunted malignant spirit that inhabited a human body. Yet others offer a different story: what was buried are the remains of Imee Marcos&#x27; chin.Now, granted exclusive access and using never before seen materials specially invented for this occasion, we visit this mysterious place, searching for answers.Join us in our quest. Our guide is tomb manager Eva Stalin von Surot, full-time lickspittle and professional panderer to the powerful.Q: Eva, tell us where we are now. Von Surot: We&#x27;ve used our high security Duterte clearances to get through the checkpoints, barbed wire, heavy fortifications, mortar and machine gun emplacements and loyalist soldiers protecting the grave, now we&#x27;ve gone down some steps and are at the foyer of the tomb.Q: What is the meaning of that big bronze bowl standing in the center?Von Surot: That&#x27;s the sacrificial urn where the Marcoses burn bundles of dollars while chanting the spells that will grant one more year of life to Mrs Marcos. Q: Fascinating. What about those small doghouses?Von Surot: Those are the kennels for the dictator&#x27;s loyal dogs, named Get Real, Showbeast, Pol Ulol, Mrs Riyo and Flippityflop.Q: That explains all those angry fleas on the floor. Von Surot: Wait, listen. Do you hear that?Q: You mean that tormented, agonizing shriek threatening to increase to a cacophony that could drive you insane?Von Surot: Yes. Q: Is that the spirit of Marcos?Von Surot: No that&#x27;s Imelda singing karaoke. Meldy: FEELINGS OH WOAHWOAH FEELINGS...Von Surot: We&#x27;d better wait for her to finish, here put on these earplugs. Five hours later...Von Surot: OK, I think it&#x27;s safe now. She&#x27;s gone. Q: Thank God. Are you sure?Von Surot: Yes she took the escalator. Q: Escalator?Von Surot: She IS old, plus she can barely waddle with all that heavy jewelry she&#x27;s wearing.Q: This tomb is a lot bigger than it looks outside. Von Surot: Moving on, you will notice that the tomb is actually divided into several sections. Over here we have the ballroom. Q: Ballroom?Von Surot: That way is the dining room. Q: How big is this thing?Von Surot: And that&#x27;s the concert area. Q: Concert area?Von Surot: Where Madame Imelda can perform. And that&#x27;s the way to the skating rink. Q: What&#x27;s that cubicle over there?Von Surot: That is the Duterte chamber - where Rodrigo goes to receive his instructions. And over there is the troll command center...Q: But where is the coffin?Von Surot: Coffin? What coffin?Q: The coffin that they buried, Ferdinand Marcos&#x27; body.Von Surot: Oh that. That was just a chest full of Swiss bank certificates. The real corpse is in a tupperware gelatin mold in a vault in the Cayman islands where it&#x27;s safe. Q: Are you kidding me? Hold on what about that, what is that dirt hole over there? It looks freshly dug.Von Surot: That? that&#x27;s where they intend to bury Philippine democracy.

Some say it's a simple soldier's grave, others say it holds deep dark secrets. Tonight on "Ancient Mysteries", we investigate the truth behind one of the world's monuments to douchebaggery - the Marcos tomb.

Some say it's a simple soldier's grave, others say it holds deep dark secrets. Tonight on "Ancient Mysteries", we investigate the truth behind one of the world's monuments to douchebaggery - the Marcos tomb.