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Living with grief: Why Boy Abunda now prays for the pain to stay

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Boy Abunda, as told to Miguel Dumaual, ABS-CBN News

<div class="embed-wrap"><figure data-feedback="fb:likes,fb:comments"><img src="https://sa.kapamilya.com/absnews/abscbnnews/media/ancx/culture/2019/67/2boy.jpg"/><figcaption>Boy Abunda’s mother Lesing, whom he has described as the ‘center of my life,’ passed away in December 2019 at age 90. <em>FILE/Courtesy of Boy Abunda</em></figcaption></figure></div><div><em>For most of his storied career as a TV host, Boy Abunda would share with his viewers his personal motto, “Make your Nanay proud,” which would become the title of his book and also the name of his foundation. His mother Lesing, whom he has referred to as the “center of my life,” passed away in December 2019 at age 90. After more than a year, Abunda spoke openly about how he now lives with grief, and how he has carried on his pursuit to be his best self, despite the loss. Here’s a portion of Abunda’s candid reflection about “love and a lot of pain,” in his recent conversation with ABS-CBN News.</em></div><p>I’m still in deep pain. It has never abated. It’s still the same intensity. I lost Nanay on December 1, 2019, and nothing much has changed.</p><p>She’s still my moral compass. The only difference is, I talk to her spirit. Pero ganoon pa rin: “Kung gagawin ko ito, ano kaya ang reaksyon ng Nanay?” She’s always been the lodestar that I have had all throughout my life. She has always been my compass in more ways than anyone can imagine.</p><p>The pain is still very deep. There are still days that I cry. There are still days that I cannot handle my emotions, because I terribly miss her. May mga panahon pa rin na tinatawag ko ang pangalan niya.</p><p>I’ve gotten used to it. I wake up to her, I end my day talking to her after praying. I go down, and I see her photo. She’s still very much part of my life. It’s still so painful. Sobrang sakit.</p><p>Pero, ito ‘yung natutunan ko during the pandemic. Sabi ko, “Bakit hindi maibsan ang sakit? Bakit hindi mabawasan? Bakit hindi lumilipas?”</p><p>Hindi talaga pala. Kasi for as long as you love someone — in my case, my mother — the pain is just as intense. And I don’t want to lose the pain, because it is my connection to her now. The moment I lose that pain, I might lose her.</p><p>So I’m not praying anymore to God for me to win over the pain. My prayer now is to be able to withstand the pain, and to let it stay, so my connection to her is still as strong.</p><p>It used to be love. Now, it’s love and a lot of pain.</p><figure class="op-interactive"><iframe allow="autoplay; fullscreen" frameBorder="0" height="100%" id="ivsplayer01" scrolling="no" src="https://player.ivideosmart.com/ivsplayer/v4/dist/html/iframe-src.html?iframeid=ivsplayer01&amp;key=e8c22c015ca9eafa76f1e3edfa03c603&amp;spid=3001339&amp;vid=1723273" width="100%"></iframe></figure><div class="iwantbar">Watch more in <a href="//www.iwantv.com.ph/">iWantv</a> or <a href="//tfc.tv/">TFC.tv</a></div><p>I intend to continue making Nanay proud by being the best of who I am, by being the best of who I can be, and by being the best in all that I do.</p><p>Titser na titser ang Nanay. Ang taas ng expectation niya sa akin. Minsan, hindi ako nakakapasa, pero naiintindihan niya ako. But that’s not going to stop me from trying to be the best, because Nanay wanted me to do my best.</p><p>I totally agreed with her, and I continue to agree with her, that even if I fail along the way, she knows I tried my best. That’s how I’m going to make her proud.</p><p>I will continue to try to be the best that I could be.</p>

<p>“I’m not praying anymore to God for me to win over the pain. My prayer now is to be able to withstand the pain, and to let it stay, so my connection to her is still as strong. It used to be love. Now, it’s love and a lot of pain.”</p>

“I’m not praying anymore to God for me to win over the pain. My prayer now is to be able to withstand the pain, and to let it stay, so my connection to her is still as strong. It used to be love. Now, it’s love and a lot of pain.”

Living with grief: Why Boy Abunda now prays for the pain to stay

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Living with grief: Why Boy Abunda now prays for the pain to stay

Boy Abunda,

as told to Miguel Dumaual,

ABS-CBN News

Published Jul 08, 2021 08:10 PM PHT

|

Updated Jul 08, 2021 10:09 PM PHT

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Boy Abunda

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