Push Admin

Starting them young: Writer-educator Det Neri on the importance of exposing children to diverse realities

Article (news)

Rose Carmelle Lacuata, ABS-CBN News

<div class="embed-wrap"><figure data-feedback="fb:likes,fb:comments"><img alt="Writer-educator Bernadette “Det” Neri. Photo: Instagram/@detneri" src="https://sa.kapamilya.com/absnews/abscbnnews/media/2023/life/06/24/20230624-det-neri-thumb.jpg" class="fr-fil fr-dib"/><figcaption>Writer-educator Bernadette “Det” Neri. Photo: Instagram/@detneri</figcaption></figure></div>MANILA - Inspired by real-life events, lesbian writer Bernadette “Det” Neri wrote her award-winning children&#x27;s book &quot;Ang Ikaklit sa Aming Hardin&quot; to go against the common misconception that same-sex couples cannot have their own families.While attending a Pride rally when she was still a college student in Baguio City, Neri heard the story of a high school student and their two mothers. After doing more research and gaining a deeper understanding about the struggles of the LGBT community, Neri decided to include a story about same-sex families in her master’s thesis.“Mayroon akong napanood sa isang rally before, Pride rally ‘yun, college pa ako. High school na ‘yung bata na nagte-testimonya tungkol sa dalawa niyang nanay,” she told ABS-CBN News in an online interview.(When I was in college, in a Pride rally, I heard about the testimony of a high school student and their two mothers.)“Noong nagmamasterado na ako, tapos mayroon na akong mas malalim na pag-aaral doon sa mga struggle ng LGBT, partikular na sa mga lesbiyana, doon ko naisip na sige, isasama ko ito sa aking proyekto,” she added.(When I was already taking my Master’s degree, and I already have deeper knowledge about the struggle of the LGBT community, particularly about the lesbians, that’s when I thought I should include this in my project.)Neri, who identifies as a lesbian, also said “Ang Ikaklit sa Aming Hardin” is her reaction to the common misconception about same-sex couples - that they should not have their own families because they are sinners or are living in sin.“Isa doon sa mga struggle na nararanasan ng sector ng LGBT ay ‘yung pag-question doon sa kakayahan ng sector na lumikha o makabuo ng sariling pamilya dahil una’t una sa lahat, tinitingnan ang sector bilang makasalanan, bilang sakit,” she said.(One of the struggles experienced by the LGBT sector is when their ability to have their own family is questioned, first because the sector is seen as sinful, or that it is a disease.)“Kailangan lang magkaroon ng materyal na magpapasubali, tutunggali sa mga ganoong ideya,” Neri added.(We have to have a material that would contradict, or contest that idea.)She also believes that having materials talking about same-sex families would help them tell their children that there is nothing wrong about having two mothers or two fathers.“‘Yun ‘yung isang bahagi ng inspirasyon, na ako mismo, bahagi ng nadi-discriminate sa pagkakaroon ng pamilya. Pangalawa, ‘pag nagkaroon ako ng pamilya, walang maga-affirm doon sa bata na okay lang ‘yang kasi kapag tiningnan mo ‘yung mga libro sa school, mga textbook, puro heterosexual, cisheterosexual families ang itinatampok,” Neri explained.(That’s part of my inspiration, that I myself is part of the sector being discriminated in having a family. Also, when I have my own family in the future, nobody will tell the child that it is okay to have a same-sex family since most families in school textbooks are heterosexual, cisheterosexual families.)“Kailangan mayroong tutunggali eh doon sa idea na hindi pwedeng magpamilya ang mga lesbiyana, ang mga LGBT,” she added.(There needs to be something that would contest the idea that lesbians, members of the LGBT community, cannot have their own families.)Neri’s “Ang Ikaklit sa Aming Hardin” tells the story of a young girl who got bullied during the first day of class for having an unconventional family. Unlike other children, she has two mothers.First written in 2006, it took several years before it was finally published. According to Neri, she offered her book to some publication houses, but none of them agreed to publish her work.“Noong panahon na ‘yun, ang assessment namin, mukhang hindi pa handa ‘yung mga publication houses kasi primarily, it’s a business, at ang kanilang kliyente ay nagmumula sa mga paaralan…So malaki ang mawawala sa kanila, kumbaga,” she said, explaining her decision to self-publish her work.(At that time, based on our assessment, it seems like the publication houses were not yet ready, because primarily, it’s a business, and their clients are mostly from schools, so they might lose a lot.)With the help of volunteers, who did the translation, layout and illustration of her book, Neri was able to finally release her work in 2012. She was then able to distribute her work mostly through word of mouth.<div>GENDER AND SEXUALITY IN EDUCATION</div><div class="embed-wrap"><figure data-feedback="fb:likes,fb:comments"><img alt="Writer-educator Bernadette “Det” Neri. Photo: Instagram/@detneri" src="https://sa.kapamilya.com/absnews/abscbnnews/media/2023/life/06/24/20230624-det-neri1.jpg" class="fr-fil fr-dib"/><figcaption>Writer-educator Bernadette “Det” Neri. Photo: Instagram/@detneri</figcaption></figure></div>As an educator, Neri believes talking about gender, sexuality and diverse realities should start early, especially since people spend more time in school than at home.She points out that the education sector is also seen as a source of knowledge, and whatever is taught in schools are deemed the truth.“Ang institusyon ng edukasyon din ang isang institusyon na balon umano ng kaalaman, ng impormasyon. Therefore, kung ano ang sinasabi sa paaralan, sa institusyon ng edukasyon, most likely, kikilalanin itong tama. Kaya muli, papasok doon ang halaga ng gumagalaw doon sa institusyon, kabilang na ng kaguruan,” Neri explained.(The institution of education is seen as a well of knowledge, of information. Therefore, whatever is taught in schools is most likely seen as correct. This is where the role of administrators and teachers come in.)“Ito ang panggagalingan ng kung ano ang tama o mali, maging sa usapin ng kasarian, maging sa usapin ng sekswalidad,” she added.(This is where the right and wrong comes from, even on issues of gender and sexuality.)For Neri, it is better to introduce these topics to children at a time when they have yet to form any judgement or bias.“May mga pag-aaral kaugnay dito, mas okay nga actually na simulang pag-aralan, sa lahat ng mga iba’t ibang bagay, kabilang doon ang kasarian at sekswalidad, ipakilala na agad sa mga bata ‘yung dibersidad, ‘yung ideya ng dibersidad, habang hindi pa jaded, o hindi pa nababahiran ng mas bias nang pagtingin sa kasarian at sekwalidad,” she said.(There are studies about this, that it is better to study about things, including gender and sexuality, to introduce to children the idea of diversity while they are not yet jaded, or they have yet to have any bias on gender and sexuality.)<div>REPRESENTATION</div><div class="embed-wrap"><figure data-feedback="fb:likes,fb:comments"><img alt="Writer-educator Bernadette “Det” Neri. Photo: Instagram/@detneri" src="https://sa.kapamilya.com/absnews/abscbnnews/media/2023/life/06/24/20230624-det-neri.jpg" class="fr-fil fr-dib"/><figcaption>Writer-educator Bernadette “Det” Neri. Photo: Instagram/@detneri</figcaption></figure></div>In terms of representation, Neri believes digital media and online platforms play a big role in making LGBT-friendly materials more accessible to the public.“Mahalaga siya, kasi for the first time in a long time, nagkaroon ng avenue para pag-usapan ang mga bagay na hindi pinaguusapan, partikular na sa kasarian at sekswalidad, at na pumapatok,” she said.(This is important, because for the first time in a long time, we have an avenue to talk about topics we don’t usually talk about, particularly about gender and sexuality, and it became widely accepted.)Neri, however, warned that because some LGBT-themed stories became popular, there might also be a tendency for stereotypes to form, based on the images and characters that are often seen in online series or movies.“Pero, kailangan din natin siyang pag-ingatan kasi nagkakaroon ng tendensiya, at danger, panganib, na kung ano lang ‘yung mga pumapatok, ‘yun lang ‘yung susuportahan din na mga kwento. At kapag ganoon ang nangyayari, sa halip na maging representatibo, ang nalilikha ay stereotipo,” she said.(But we also have to be careful because there is a tendency and danger that whatever becomes popular, those are the only stories that get support. And when that happens, instead of being representative, it becomes stereotypical.)For Neri, representation means introduction, which includes talking about different stories and experiences of members of the LGBT community from all walks of life.“Kung papasukan natin ito ng pera, mayroong danger talaga na mabalewala ‘yung iba pang mukha ng pagiging bakla, iba pang mukha ng pagiging lesbyana. Hindi matalakay ang usapin ng transgenderism dahil hindi siya patok pa sa ngayon, at matuon lamang sa kung ano ‘yung binibili ng tao,” she said.(If we think of it as business, there is really a danger that other sides of being gay, of being lesbian, might be disregarded. The topic of transgenderism might not be talked about because has yet to be profitable, and we might focus only on those topics that sell.)“Ang konsepto kasi ng representasyon ay pagpapakilala. Sa pagpapakilala, bahagi noon ‘yung pagpapakilala ng iba’t ibang anyo at iba’t ibang danas ng mga tao mula sa iba’t ibang SOGIESC, mula sa iba’t ibang sektor,” Neri added.(The concept of representation is to introduce. Part of introducing is to also introduce different aspects, different experiences of people from different SOGIESC, from different sectors.)<ul class="op-related-articles"><li><a href="https://news.abs-cbn.com/spotlight/06/18/23/from-queer-to-pansexual-a-lgbtqia-glossary-for-the-unfamiliar">From queer to pansexual: A LGBTQIA+ glossary for the unfamiliar</a></li></ul><div>For more stories celebrating Pride, visit the <a href="https://news.abs-cbn.com/expressyourprid" target="_blank">Express Your Pride</a> microsite.</div>

Inspired by real-life events, Det Neri wrote 'Ang Ikaklit sa Aming Hardin' to go against the common misconception that same-sex couples cannot have their own families.

Starting them young: Writer-educator Det Neri on the importance of exposing children to diverse realities

News

Entertainment

Lifestyle

Sports

Metro.Style

More

Traffic

Manila

Horoscope

Lifestyle

Starting them young: Writer-educator Det Neri on the importance of exposing children to diverse realities

Rose Carmelle Lacuata,

ABS-CBN News

Published Jun 24, 2023 08:28 AM PHT

|

Updated Oct 29, 2024 03:15 PM PHT

Read More:

Ang Ikaklit sa Aming Hardin

Det Neri

education

children's literature

LGBTQIA+

Pride Month

Express Your Pride

Pride 2023

LGBTQ

ABS-CBN is the leading media and entertainment company in the Philippines, offering quality content across TV, radio, digital, and film. Committed to public service and promoting Filipino values, ABS-CBN continues to inspire and connect audiences worldwide.

Corporate

Investors

Governance

International Distribution

Corporate

Governance

Investors

International Distribution

NPC Seal of Registration

Privacy Policy

AI Policy

Terms of Service

Advertise with Us

© 2025 ABS-CBN Corporation. All Rights Reserved.

NPC Seal of Registration

Privacy Policy

Terms of Service

AI Policy

Advertise with Us

© 2025 ABS-CBN Corporation. All Rights Reserved.

NPC Seal of Registration

Privacy Policy

Terms of Service

AI Policy

Advertise with Us

© 2025 ABS-CBN Corporation. All Rights Reserved.