Melvin Ryan  Fetalvero

The Importance of Compassionate Parenting

Article (news)

<div><span class="fr-img-caption fr-fic fr-dib" style="width:950px"><span class="fr-img-wrap"><img src="https://od2-image-api.abs-cbn.com/prod/editorImage/1750749802134thumbnail.png" style="width:950px" class="fr-fic fr-dib" alt="Parents and teens bonding over Tiktok trends. Photos from Leah C. Eriguel"/><span class="fr-inner" style="text-align:left">Mothers and daughters bonding over a TikTok trend. <em>Photos from Canva</em></span></span></span></div><p>There’s a trending TikTok video where a mom asks her daughter to finish toxic parenting sentences we grew up with.</p><div><strong>Mom:</strong> <em>So I’ll start the sentence and you finish it, okay? (Daughter nods, smiling).</em></div><div><em>I brought you into this world so I can...(take you out of it).</em></div><div><strong>Daughter:</strong> <em>...help you.</em></div><div><strong>Mom:</strong> <em>I’ll give you something to...(cry about).</em></div><div><strong>Daughter:</strong> <em>...eat!</em></div><div><strong>Mom:</strong> <em>Children should be seen and...(not heard).</em></div><div><strong>Daughter:</strong> <em>...hugged!</em></div><blockquote cite="https://www.tiktok.com/@elysedschroeder/video/7496257618957307182" class="tiktok-embed" data-video-id="7496257618957307182" id="v223568794625950" style="max-width:605px;min-width:325px"><iframe style="width:100%;height:739px;display:block;visibility:unset" name="__tt_embed__v223568794625950" sandbox="allow-popups allow-popups-to-escape-sandbox allow-scripts allow-top-navigation allow-same-origin" src="https://www.tiktok.com/embed/v2/7496257618957307182?lang=en-US&amp;referrer=https%3A%2F%2Fod2-workbench-web.abs-cbn.com%2F%23%2Fworkspace%2Fmonitoring%3Fitem%3Durn%3Anewsml%3Aod2-workbench-api.abs-cbn.com%3A2025-06-20T09%3A16%3A47.337607%3Acfab29ac-59ff-4c8e-9e19-5636a87994f5%26action%3Dedit"></iframe></blockquote><script async="" src="https://www.tiktok.com/embed.js"></script><p>I was surprised at how watching this got me teary-eyed. That lucky little girl had absolutely no clue that her mother was an awesome cycle breaker, changing the patterns of generational toxic parenting through kind words instead of harsh discipline. </p><p>How many of us grew up with jabs like, ‘<em>Anak ka lang</em> (You&#x27;re just my kid),’ or ‘<em>Ano iniiyak mo, arte naman</em> (What are you crying about, sissy).’ As a precocious child, my most-heard line growing up was, ‘<em>Umayos ka, ano ang iisipin ng mga tao</em> (Compose yourself, what will others think)?’ I used to wonder who these people were, who appointed them as the <em>Umayos Ka </em>police, and would they suddenly come out from a dark corner whenever I misbehaved, pointing at me with glaring eyes and shouting, ‘<em>Huli ka, salbahing bata</em> (caught you, naughty child)!”</p><div><strong>Top Three Basic Mental and Emotional Needs of Every Human</strong></div><p>While all mental and emotional needs are important, research in psychology suggests that the top three most fundamental needs are:</p><p><strong>Fundamental Need #1: Safety and Security.</strong> Without a sense of safety (physical and emotional), the brain remains in a state of stress or hyper-vigilance. </p><p>A child who grows up feeling constantly judged grows up with the secret shame of not being enough. That child may become an over-achiever, learning early on that getting good grades results in being appreciated by her parents, especially by her mother who is so hard to please. That child will grow up to keep doing and doing, becoming a workaholic, her mind on constant overdrive, always tired, never relaxed, wearing her exhaustion like a queen’s crown. </p><p>As a mother she will rarely be 100% present for her children, toggling between guilt and working, working, working. She strives to be the best mom but when it’s been a long day, she’s exhausted then the kids act up, she snaps. And just like that, she hears her mom’s voice saying the exact same judgy things she swore she would never say to her own kids one day. Does this sound painfully familiar? That’s okay. The first step to inner healing is the acknowledgement that there are things that need to be healed.</p><p><strong>Fundamental Need #2: Love and Belonging.</strong> As humans, we are inherently social, so rejection triggers pain responses in the brain. Studies show it activates the same pathways as physical pain. </p><p>My mother’s dream was to become a nun. Until she met my father, married in her late 30s and had me in her early 40s (I was adopted but that&#x27;s a whole other story). By the time she hit menopause, I was in my teens. Context is important when we take a look at the stories we tell ourselves. When I came into my mother’s life, she must have imagined I would grow to be her wonderful mini-me; obedient, prayerful, and maybe even fulfill her dream of becoming a nun. I know this because we have twinning photos in various stages of my young life, when I loved her so much there were times I thought my heart would burst. Maybe things changed when she started realizing I was everything <em>but</em> her mini-me. Perhaps things changed for me when I realized she didn’t feel safe—one moment, she was loving; and the next, she was saying hurtful things. Remember menopause (most likely), but as a sensitive teen, I did not know that then. </p><p><strong>Fundamental Need #3: Autonomy and Control.</strong> Feeling powerless or overly controlled can lead to feelings of helplessness, depression, or rebellion. The freedom to make choices and express oneself is tied to self-worth.</p><p>Turbulent is not a strong enough word to describe the relationship I had with my mother in my teens. I defied her at every turn. I questioned every decision. I rolled my eyes at everything. &#x27;<em>Wag mo akong iirapan</em> (Don&#x27;t you dare roll your eyes at me)!’ my mother would shout at the top of her voice, frustrated, angry—and when I think back now, she must have been so hurt. Just as I was. Knowing what I know now, I was acting up because I wanted to be seen, heard and loved as I was— not as the imaginary mini-me she wanted me to be. </p><div><span class="fr-img-caption fr-fic fr-dib" style="width:400px"><span class="fr-img-wrap"><img src="https://od2-image-api.abs-cbn.com/prod/editorImage/1750750806187motheranddaughter.png" style="width:400px" class="fr-fic fr-dib" alt="Parents and teens bonding over Tiktok trends. Photos from Leah C. Eriguel"/><span class="fr-inner" style="text-align:left">Reframing the Mother-Ache story.  <em>Photos from Canva</em></span></span></span></div><div><strong>For Change to Happen, Change Has to Happen. Start with You!</strong></div><p>In my young adult years, my romantic relationships were rollercoaster rides, not very far from the kind of relationship I had with my mother. At the age of 32, I became a single mom with two young kids. I realized that I was not simply <em>malas</em> (unlucky) in my love life. I was attracting the wrong kind of relationships because I had very little relationship with myself. If I was going to raise my children differently, I was going to have to start with raising myself. I needed to learn to nurture myself in ways that my mother did not, not because she was a bad person but because she did not know any better. She did the best she could in the ways that she knew how. Now it was my turn. Inner work is not about becoming someone else. It is reuniting with the parts of yourself you may have forgotten while you were getting busy becoming who the world said you should be. </p><div><strong>Inner Work is Work. The Result is Transformational.</strong></div><p>Inner work is not magic. It takes practice and patience. While I was on my self-worth journey, my daughter was in her teens. Suddenly, the word &quot;turbulent&quot; came back into our lives. We fought so much that I found out later that it traumatized my son, the younger child. He learned to be non-confrontational, a solution he thought was the lesser evil to what he witnessed on the daily (again, another story). </p><p>The difference was I was learning to get to know myself better. And because my daughter saw me doing this, eventually she went into her own inner work. Slowly, we learned how to fight smart. We would fight knowing we wanted to make things better, not to hurt each other. Slowly, we took steps to make each other feel safe, loved as we were, and feel seen and heard. </p><div><strong>Reframing Your Mother-Ache Story. See it from a Kinder Perspective.</strong></div><p>When my kids began to have lives of their own, I resigned from corporate and became a Certified Narrative Coach, helping people rewrite their loop stories, reframe their harmful patterns, and lead a transformative life of being comfortable in their own skin. </p><p>Three years ago, I birthed the Reframing Your Mother-Ache Story course where we learn to see “mothering” in a different perspective and as a result, see our mothers and ourselves in a kinder light and become a more compassionate mothers as a result. </p><p>My mother has been gone 10 years now and to this day, I discover insights, seeing her in a kinder light and ultimately I am kinder to myself with each passing day. Reframing Your Mother-Ache Story is not about blame. It is about accountability. With accountability comes freedom. </p><p>When I turned 60 this year, my daughter gifted me with this message: “You’re my greatest teacher, hype woman, and my best friend.” </p><div><em>ABOUT LEAH</em><em><br/></em></div><div><em>After 20 years in media and corporate marketing, Leah found purpose in reinventing herself as a Certified Narrative Coach through her coaching business founded in 2018. A Palanca Awardee, Leah guides others to reframe their stories through the power of writing to heal and gratitude journaling. Follow Leah on IG @heartworkshealing to know more about her coaching courses and workshops.</em></div>

<p>The Importance of Compassionate Parenting.<b> </b>There’s a trending TikTok video where a Mom asks her daughter to finish toxic parenting sentences we grew up with.</p>

The Importance of Compassionate Parenting. There’s a trending TikTok video where a Mom asks her daughter to finish toxic parenting sentences we grew up with.

The Importance of Compassionate Parenting

News

Entertainment

Lifestyle

Sports

Metro.Style

More

Traffic

Manila

Horoscope

Lifestyle

The Importance of Compassionate Parenting

Leah C. Eriguel

Published Jun 27, 2025 04:02 PM PHT

|

Updated Aug 01, 2025 03:33 PM PHT

Read More:

parenting

social media

tiktok

mental wellness

ABS-CBN is the leading media and entertainment company in the Philippines, offering quality content across TV, radio, digital, and film. Committed to public service and promoting Filipino values, ABS-CBN continues to inspire and connect audiences worldwide.

Corporate

Investors

Governance

International Distribution

Corporate

Governance

Investors

International Distribution

NPC Seal of Registration

Privacy Policy

AI Policy

Terms of Service

Advertise with Us

© 2025 ABS-CBN Corporation. All Rights Reserved.

NPC Seal of Registration

Privacy Policy

Terms of Service

AI Policy

Advertise with Us

© 2025 ABS-CBN Corporation. All Rights Reserved.

NPC Seal of Registration

Privacy Policy

Terms of Service

AI Policy

Advertise with Us

© 2025 ABS-CBN Corporation. All Rights Reserved.