Jaehwa Bernardo

(Left to right) Donkey and Shrek in a cast announcement clip for the upcoming film 'Shrek 5.' Screenshot from video on Universal Pictures' YouTube channel

Article (news)

'Shrekking': The trend of dating someone less physically attractive

ABS-CBN News Digital Intern

<div><img src="https://od2-image-api.abs-cbn.com/prod/editorImage/1757988555926vlcsnap-2025-09-16-10h08m33s781.png" style="width:950px" class="fr-fic fr-dib"/>(Left to right) Donkey and Shrek in a cast announcement clip for the upcoming film &#x27;Shrek 5.&#x27; Screenshot from video on Universal Pictures&#x27; YouTube channel</div>When a woman plucks up the courage to finally tell her friends about her new boyfriend, their first question would likely be, “Pogi ba?” (Is he handsome?).She scrunches her face and ponders before uttering the words, “Mabait siya (He’s nice).”The social media mill that spits out trending slang every month has found a new word to describe this not-so-new phenomenon. “Shrekking” is defined as “dating down” or going out with someone less physically attractive, assuming they will treat you better. It can also mean one is choosing to focus on other positive attributes besides attractiveness, such as kindness and intelligence.The term originates from the titular character of the hit film franchise “Shrek,” a green-skinned, bald ogre who falls in love with the beautiful Princess Fiona.<a href="https://www.usatoday.com/story/life/health-wellness/2025/08/21/shrekking-dating-term-relationships-explained/85753076007/">USA Today</a> was one of the first news outlets to write about the new dating trend when the term was just making the rounds on the short video platform TikTok.What this trend proves is that the wise words of Filipino rapper Andrew E. transcend cultures and generations. As he bluntly advises in his &#x27;90s hit: &quot;Kung gusto mong lumigaya ang iyong buhay, humanap ka ng panget at ibigin mong tunay.&quot;(If you want to live a happy life, look for someone ugly and love them truly.)In a country with a passion for pageants, showbiz, and beautiful celebrity loveteams, Filipinos can’t help but point out looks when judging relationships.And while a person’s appearance has always mattered in the real world, social media and the advent of online dating have placed visual appeal at the top of everyone’s qualification list for partners.Alicia Serrano, who has been a relationship expert for five years, has spoken against the act of shrekking, saying it comes from a place of entitlement.“It is toxic because you expect a power imbalance to happen and you expect it to work out better for you because you feel like you have the upper hand in terms of attractiveness,” Serrano told ABS-CBN News.However, Serrano added that it can also be unintentional. Citing some of her clients’ experiences, she said shrekking sometimes manifests not as a malicious tactic but as a last resort for singles, who sometimes get into these relationships out of hope or even boredom.“They feel like they don&#x27;t have other options, or they see it as, ‘Oh, let&#x27;s just do it. I don&#x27;t have anything better to do anyway. No one else more attractive is interested in me, so I&#x27;m gonna go with this person,’” she added.<div> </div><div>Beauty standards</div>According to Serrano, this perceived lack of options may be due to the higher beauty standards women must uphold in everyday life. She noted that, on average, women tend to be more visually polished than men due to societal pressures to always appear presentable. This supposedly skews the “dating pool,” resulting in shrekking being a more common experience for women.Meanwhile, dating coach and television anchor Vanessa Antonio suggests that the trend is not inherently bad.There are many reasons, Antonio said, why women may go for men who are not as “valuable in the dating market” as themselves. “Sometimes women do that more than men because in the first place, women tend to value other things than attractiveness, such as stability,” Antonio told ABS-CBN News.But in general, the modern age of technology and ever-present cameras has made people -- especially the youth -- more obsessed with their appearance.For Serrano, the increased exposure to celebrity culture through social media has inadvertently transformed this generation’s ability to gauge what normal people look like. “People are just so aware and conscious of how they look, even outside of dating, that I think that there&#x27;s this implicit practice that&#x27;s more popular now of being critical of your own appearance and other people&#x27;s,” she said.Antonio echoed the same sentiments, saying it is the youth’s tendency to hyper-fixate on looks. “The younger the individuals are, the more they put so much value on physical attractiveness,” the dating coach said.<div> </div><div>Good looks or good character?</div>The halo effect refers to the psychological bias of assuming someone beautiful possesses other desirable attributes, like kindness and intellect.Shrekking goes against this very idea, said Serrano.Similar to popular film tropes like the mean girl or dumb jock, shrekking associates a conventionally attractive person with negative traits, such as cruelty and stupidity.Both experts note that women who have expressed openness to shrekking often were cheated on in the past by better-looking partners.Thus, Antonio suggests that the choice to shrek is often motivated by fear and is a “defense mechanism” against being treated poorly.“When you shrek, you are basically choosing out of fear and not out of love because you were choosing them thinking that they will not cheat on you, that they have lesser options, so they&#x27;re likely to be loyal,” she said.However, Serrano argues that resorting to shrekking shows they had the wrong takeaways from their bad experience.“Looks are not a determining factor whether or not someone&#x27;s going to treat you well, because looks and personalities are very different,” the relationship expert said.Many netizens have also criticized the term shrekking, especially fans of the original film, who argue that its given definition ignores the movie’s message of self-acceptance and finding love regardless of physical appearance.Serrano warned that insecure people may convince themselves that they’re in a shrekking situation, leading to overcompensation for their supposed lack of attractiveness.In turn, the other party may take advantage of this insecurity by leveraging their supposed better looks to make demands within the relationship.She and Antonio advised individuals to look for red flags in communication with their partners.Some examples are backhanded compliments, the phrase “swerte ka nga [na] pinili kita,”  and other signs of a “significant gap” in attraction between the two parties.

From TikTok slang to a modern dating trend, ‘shrekking’ describes women who prioritize kindness and loyalty over physical appearance. Experts weigh in on why this phenomenon is gaining traction and what it reveals about today’s dating culture.

From TikTok slang to a modern dating trend, ‘shrekking’ describes women who prioritize kindness and loyalty over physical appearance. Experts weigh in on why this phenomenon is gaining traction and what it reveals about today’s dating culture.

‘Shrekking’ explained: Why women are choosing character over looks

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‘Shrekking’ explained: Why women are choosing character over looks

ABS-CBN News Digital Intern,

Mei Lin Weng

Published Sep 16, 2025 03:30 PM PHT

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Updated Sep 16, 2025 03:37 PM PHT

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dating

shrekking

relationships

Gen Z

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