Dennis Gaviola

A woman married to AFAM should move away from the shadows and step into her empowered state of making better choices for herself and her family

Article (news)

Married to AFAM 

ABS-CBN Lifestyle

Manileños are chismoso, no two ways about it. People are inevitably judged on where they went to school, the neighborhood they grew up in, their current line of work, and most of all, whom they choose for a partner.At the international schools, there are unmarked but clearly delineated areas for pick-up and drop-off. Front and center are the expats, mga puti, resplendent in their colorful tops made from native weaves. Next up are the affluent local parents (mga mayaman) with their own hierarchy, usually led by the PTA head. And bringing up the rear, mga feelingera (char!), the Filipinas married to foreigners.The term AFAM originally meant “A Foreigner Assigned in Manila”, referring to the American servicemen stationed at the military bases in Subic and Clark. But as all expressions do, the acronym evolved, and from the beki community to the mainstream, now encompasses all non-Filipino white males, and stands for “A Foreigner Around Manila”.<div><img src="https://od2-image-api.abs-cbn.com/prod/editorImage/1758813607107image0 (3) copy.jpeg" class="fr-fic fr-dib" style="width:591px"/>Staying in the shadows, considering the spectrum of choices; TeamLab Borderless in Tokyo. Image courtesy of Cama Chika Despite Filipinos’ general love for all things foreign, when it comes to AFAM, the connotation is not a positive one, particularly in the light of interracial relationships. Bakit ba? Filipinas dating or married to AFAMs are unfairly labelled gold diggers or considered overly promiscuous, even if that last allegation usually carries a tinge of envy and curiosity from the people doing the judging.</div>IRL, AFAM wives are in fact some of the bravest, most resilient women you could be lucky to have as friends. They have generally had to work for a living, and many met their foreign partners while assigned overseas. Loyal and generous, they share their time and their stories. Normal na tao lang. I am fortunate to have several such women in my network, and even though we usually end up on different parts of the globe, the friendships remain strong.Recently, I (sort of) joined their ranks when my husband went from Filipino to EU national. FOMO daw. For almost three years, he lived abroad while I travelled back and forth until acquiring foreign residency last year. It wasn’t easy juggling remote work and leaving family behind, but it was too good of an opportunity to pass up and, as it turned out, worth every challenge.<div><img src="https://od2-image-api.abs-cbn.com/prod/editorImage/1758812943732image1 (3).jpeg" class="fr-fic fr-dib"/>Turning our backs on the familiar towards a different horizon; North Beach, Hawaii. Image courtesy of Cama Chika</div>When my husband’s citizenship application was granted and our child became eligible for an EU passport without having to learn a new language, move from an excellent local school, or stop specialized sports training, the judgers were given pause. Napaisip siguro. Certainly, we were gossiped about. All of our friends, family members and even total strangers inquired as to the how and why, and without a doubt shared speculations. But from simple chismis, the success story inspired many in our circle (and some people we didn’t even know who heard from friends) to follow suit, and many are now well along their own journeys to achieve the same end goal.I am an outlier in that it was my husband who made the move. Most of our friends and acquaintances doing EU residency have the wives as primary applicants, since their work is more flexible, and they have the burden of managing both household and childcare as well. Additionally, it seems women adapt more easily to new situations and integrate faster into foreign cultures even without a workplace cohort. Magaling tayo makisama, mga sis. Meeting fellow school parents, joining a dance class or gym, finding a neighborhood hair and nail salon that leads to a cup of coffee or glass of wine and the beginnings of a new friendship. Language is not so much of a barrier when you have things in common, and encourages one to adapt more quickly. And these days, technology is amazing in helping bridge communication gaps.<div><img src="https://od2-image-api.abs-cbn.com/prod/editorImage/1758817485433camel.jpg" class="fr-fic fr-dib" style="width:591px"/>Forging a new path to a better future and unexpected possibilities; Sahara Desert, Morocco. Image courtesy of Cama Chika</div>The ideal outcome of all this is that, sana, sa wakas, the meaning of AFAM may change yet again, hopefully to something positive—to refer to the women empowering their families with opportunities to live, work, study and retire to a nation with a working welfare system, international education and training standards, and more equitable work opportunities. Filipinos have spent too many decades as OFWs with little recognition beyond their mark on annual GDP, and in this current world political climate with powerful nations taking anti-immigration stances, every move to collaborate between nations, whether as coworkers, lovers, or friends, is one that should be applauded. Tara na!<div> </div><div> </div>ABOUT THE AUTHOR<div>Anna S. (AKA Cama Chika) contributed to Cosmopolitan Philippines magazine in its earliest years of print, after writing about feminism and sex as an undergraduate. She spent two decades in customer service, marketing communications, and retail operations in the days before social media and AI. She now divides her time between city and coast, living life while working remotely.   </div>

The unfair labelling of women married to AFAMs (A Foreigner Assigned in Manila/A Foreigner Around Manila) could become more positive when the narrative shifts from being opportunistic to making empowered choices

The unfair labelling of women married to AFAMs (A Foreigner Assigned in Manila/A Foreigner Around Manila) could become more positive when the narrative shifts from being opportunistic to making empowered choices

Married to AFAM: a call to challenge societal perceptions

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Married to AFAM: a call to challenge societal perceptions

ABS-CBN Lifestyle,

Cama Chika

Published Sep 26, 2025 06:12 AM PHT

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