Maritess De Ocampo

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<div><span class="fr-img-caption fr-fic fr-dib" style="width:855px"><span class="fr-img-wrap"><img src="https://od2-image-api.abs-cbn.com/prod/editorImage/1782759990915pexels-anete-lusina-5721282.jpg_3-2 Ratio.jpg" class="fr-fic fr-dib"/><span class="fr-inner"><em>Photo by </em><a href="https://www.pexels.com/photo/crop-unrecognizable-black-man-holding-rainbow-bracelet-5721282/" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><em>Anete Lusina from Pexels</em></a></span></span></span></div><p>As Pride Month comes to a close, we celebrate the courage to live authentically while honoring those whose journeys toward self-acceptance, safety, and belonging continue every day. </p><p>Each day, many of us move through the stresses and pressures of what is expected of us and what we expect from ourselves, often carrying struggles that other people may never see. Yet some people carry even heavier burdens than most: the weight of masks that hide who they truly are and who they long to be. As Pride Month is celebrated every June, we honor those who can openly share themselves with the world, as well as those who are still struggling, quietly and bravely, to become who they are meant to be.</p><div> </div><div><em>“It felt like I was acting in a play all day, every single day. Some days it felt like physical pain.”</em></div><p>-Ryan, 46</p><div><br/></div><div><iframe class="instagram-media instagram-media-rendered" id="instagram-embed-0" src="https://www.instagram.com/p/CPYbbRoFkfS/embed/?cr=1&amp;v=14&amp;wp=648&amp;rd=https%3A%2F%2Fod2-workbench-web.abs-cbn.com&amp;rp=%2F#%7B%22ci%22%3A0%2C%22os%22%3A5920474.6%7D" allowtransparency="true" allowfullscreen="" frameBorder="0" height="747" data-instgrm-payload-id="instagram-media-payload-0" scrolling="no" style="background:white;max-width:540px;width:calc(100% - 2px);border-radius:3px;border:1px solid rgb(219, 219, 219);box-shadow:none;display:block;margin:0px 0px 12px;min-width:326px;padding:0px"></iframe></div><script async="" src="//www.instagram.com/embed.js"></script><div><br/></div><div><strong>The Toll of Identity Concealment</strong></div><p>Those who conceal their gender identity know the burden of carrying these masks all too well. Daily identity concealment takes a toll on mental well-being. The fear and hypervigilance required just to be accepted as someone you are not is more than an inconvenience; it becomes a constant state of self-monitoring. Hypervigilance stays high as you edit every interaction, filter your words and actions, and suppress the reality of yourself that you have been longing to show—especially to the people who matter most. You leave a room wondering, “Did my body language betray me?” or “Did what I say give me away?” Living this way is exhausting. It is physically exhausting to craft expected behaviors. It does not feel natural because it is not, and never will be, the full truth of you. It requires massive cognitive energy, which can lead to burnout, brain fog, cortisol spikes, chronic stress, and other negative effects on the body.</p><p>The inconsistency of living behind masks carries a mental burden like no other. Defining yourself based on who you are with and how they expect you to behave can feel like juggling multiple versions of yourself. It creates a mental multitasking environment where you must remember which story you told, which mannerisms you softened, which part of yourself you hid, and which parts of your truth are considered acceptable in that room.</p><p>When you keep living a lie, you may eventually start feeling like a lie—to others and even to yourself. What may have started as a survival strategy can slowly teach the body and brain to interpret the internal struggle as a chronic threat. Over time, hiding does not only protect a person from possible rejection; it can also separate them from joy, ease, and the simple experience of being known without conditions.</p><p>All the mental gymnastics and physical stress are endured daily just to be able to live “normally.” In this case, “normal” may mean trying to fit in, keeping the peace, and avoiding rejection, discrimination, sexual harassment, microaggressions, or even violence simply because someone is not cisgender—a term used for people whose gender identity aligns with the sex they were assigned at birth. This is what people who are described as “being in the closet” may go through, and it is a deeply draining psychological burden.</p><p>A person’s mental well-being is anchored, in many ways, in harmony: who we really are, who we want to be, and who we want to be with. A constant state of false identity, especially when maintained to please society, family, or community, can create not only a fragmented sense of self but also heightened anxiety and vulnerability to depression. When the outside world rewards performance more than authenticity, a person may begin to believe that love and belonging are only available when they are edited, minimized, or hidden.</p><div> </div><div><em>“Akala ko pwede na until we had a class reunion and they started using being gay as a joke.”</em></div><p>-Alfred, 32</p><div> </div><div><iframe class="instagram-media instagram-media-rendered" id="instagram-embed-2" src="https://www.instagram.com/p/C8DfnVwIfb5/embed/?cr=1&amp;v=14&amp;wp=648&amp;rd=https%3A%2F%2Fod2-workbench-web.abs-cbn.com&amp;rp=%2F#%7B%22ci%22%3A2%2C%22os%22%3A6278723.6%7D" allowtransparency="true" allowfullscreen="" frameBorder="0" height="747" data-instgrm-payload-id="instagram-media-payload-2" scrolling="no" style="background:white;max-width:540px;width:calc(100% - 2px);border-radius:3px;border:1px solid rgb(219, 219, 219);box-shadow:none;display:block;margin:0px 0px 12px;min-width:326px;padding:0px"></iframe></div><script async="" src="//www.instagram.com/embed.js"></script><p>We would like to think that in this day and age, differences in gender identity are embraced and accepted. Sadly, this remains a pain point in our country. There is a growing level of understanding, but acceptance is still not always full, consistent, or safe. It is difficult enough to challenge beliefs that were instilled in us as we grew up, especially when some of those beliefs are still reinforced by the people around us. To this day, blue is often treated as the color for males and pink as the color for females. We may know in our heads that anyone can wear any color, yet our brains may still automatically assign colors to gender. We fight these beliefs, yet when a cisgender man steps out in a bright pink top, someone may crack a joke and start singing, “I’m a Barbie girl, in a Barbie world…” The fear of becoming the punchline remains. Everyone laughs, the man in the pink top changes into a blue shirt, and silent approval follows. A lack of psychological safety for a person to freely express or present their gender is not always obvious, but it can push someone to continue hiding and concealing their identity. This is the internalized stigma that can quietly sit in the subconscious.</p><p>Expected behavior from people who matter often comes with expected outcomes in their lives. These outcomes may or may not be fulfilled the more they reveal who they truly are and who they want to be. The shame that follows can turn into self-loathing, and a person may continue living in hiding while questioning their sense of self. They may wonder whether people love them for who they really are or only for the version of themselves that is easier for others to understand.</p><div> </div><div><em>“It came to a point that I didn’t want to go home or be with my family.”</em></div><p>-Chester, 36</p><div> </div><div><iframe class="instagram-media instagram-media-rendered" id="instagram-embed-6" src="https://www.instagram.com/reel/DZBUqggBWxd/embed/?cr=1&amp;v=14&amp;wp=648&amp;rd=https%3A%2F%2Fod2-workbench-web.abs-cbn.com&amp;rp=%2F#%7B%22ci%22%3A6%2C%22os%22%3A6374263%7D" allowtransparency="true" allowfullscreen="" frameBorder="0" height="858" data-instgrm-payload-id="instagram-media-payload-6" scrolling="no" style="background:white;max-width:540px;width:calc(100% - 2px);border-radius:3px;border:1px solid rgb(219, 219, 219);box-shadow:none;display:block;margin:0px 0px 12px;min-width:326px;padding:0px"></iframe></div><script async="" src="//www.instagram.com/embed.js"></script><div><br/></div><div><strong>Safe Spaces</strong></div><p>It is a biological need to feel safe. The choice to “come out of the closet” and live more openly may not be easy for some, and it often takes time, trust, and safe spaces. It can be lonely and painful to live in a world with deep-rooted normative beliefs, especially when those beliefs are carried by family members, classmates, colleagues, or communities that a person depends on for love, work, or belonging. Coming out is often presented as a single brave moment, but in reality, it can be a series of decisions made across different rooms, relationships, and stages of life.</p><p>Safe spaces can be online communities or chosen families in the form of friends, coworkers, mentors, or allies. These are spaces where a person’s gender identity is not only normalized but celebrated. They are embraced and loved; more importantly, they are allowed to exist without apology. Safe spaces are where acceptance is not conditional. They allow people to unlearn shame around attraction, gender, identity, and expression. These communities give people room to share love, grief, relationships, and authentic gender expression. They provide safety from social rejection and physical danger, but they also offer something deeper: healing, validation, and the reminder that survival does not have to be lonely.</p><p>For allies, creating safety begins with listening and paying attention to the small moments that either welcome or wound. It means refusing to laugh at jokes that reduce someone’s identity to entertainment. It means using respectful language, allowing people to define themselves, and understanding that silence can sometimes feel like permission for harm to continue. Support does not always need to be loud or performative. Sometimes, support is as simple as correcting a harmful comment, asking what name or pronouns someone uses, or making sure that a room does not punish honesty.</p><div><strong>Pride Can Also Be Quiet</strong></div><p>For those still concealing parts of themselves, safety should never be rushed. No one owes the world disclosure before they are ready. No one should be pressured to come out because a month, a campaign, a celebration, or another person’s timeline says they should. Pride can be public, colorful, and loud, but it can also be quiet. It can look like surviving another day, choosing one trusted person, joining an anonymous community, or simply allowing oneself to believe that authenticity is possible.</p><p>Identity concealment takes a level of bravery that many people cannot even imagine. Celebrating Pride Month while still being in the closet can feel isolating, but it should never bring pressure or shame. Rather, it can serve as a reminder that a strong and loving community exists when a person is ready to reach for it. Coming out should happen only when it feels safe and right for the individual, and there is no universal timeline. Until then, compassion matters. Language matters. Safety matters. The goal is not simply to encourage people to reveal themselves; it is to build a world where hiding no longer feels necessary.</p><div> </div><div><strong>ABOUT THE AUTHOR</strong></div><div><img src="https://od2-image-api.abs-cbn.com/prod/editorImage/1782757641116ZARAH HERNAEZ_PROFILE PHOTO.jpg" class="fr-fic fr-dib" style="width:285px"/></div><p>ZARAH R. HERNAEZ is a mental health advocate and US Certified Mental Health First Aider from the National Council for Behavioral Health, Washington DC, USA and a certified Positive Psychology and Well-Being Coach from the Stanford School of Medicine. She is also the founder of The Wellnest PH, a Mental Health Advocacy dedicated to creating a safe space and giving assistance to those going through mental health concerns in the Philippines.</p>

<p>On this last day of Pride Month we celebrate the courage to live authentically while recognizing the unseen struggles of those still finding the strength, safety, and freedom to become who they truly are.</p>

On this last day of Pride Month we celebrate the courage to live authentically while recognizing the unseen struggles of those still finding the strength, safety, and freedom to become who they truly are.

The hidden burden of concealing your identity

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The hidden burden of concealing your identity

Zarah R. Hernaez

Published June 30, 2026 03:13 AM PHT

Read More:

Pride Month

Authenticity

Identity

Mental Health

Self Acceptance

Self Love

Be Yourself

Inclusive Spaces

Wellbeing

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