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Ian Veneracion and the momshies’ discussion about love and fidelity 

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Liezel dela Cruz

Fidelity, or the couple’s level of commitment as defined by guest psychologist Tofi de Jesus, is key to making a relationship work. However, there are situations and certain behavior that threaten to break the relationship’s foundation. Find out what these factors are and how to survive them, by tuning in to this episode of Magandang Buhay The Podcast.<div><iframe allow="autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; fullscreen; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen="" frameBorder="0" height="352" loading="lazy" src="https://open.spotify.com/embed/episode/0f5AkzoIR1vOEwuvCsseWO?utm_source=generator&amp;t=0" style="border-radius:12px" width="100%"></iframe></div>Joining Regine Velasquez, Jolina Magdangal, and Melai Cantiveros in this forum are actor and family man Ian Veneracion.According to Sir Tofi, six major factors affect faithfulness in a relationship: distance, lack of support, overcontrolling, poor communication, date nights, and distraction.Romantics say that distance makes the heart grow fonder. However, from the perspective of a psychologist, the truth is distance might trigger insecurities, which leads to projection. To survive long-distance relationships, Sir Tofi pressed the value of trust and being secured, first with yourself, then your partner. On the other hand, proximity and frequency can’t guarantee a lasting love, either. Because not all couples who are always physically together are also emotionally connected.Marriage requires teamwork, which is related to how you support each other, especially when the going gets tough. “Ikaw kasi ‘yung sinusubukang panghawakan ng pag-asa ng partner mo. ‘Yun bang tipong, ‘hayaan mo na kahit hindi ako kasundo ng buong mundo pero at least, ikaw nasa tabi ko, kaya ko,” said Sir Tofi.He added that differences may be inevitable but they can be fixed by compromise. For instance, Ian shared that his wife supports his motorcycle hobby even if sometimes she’s scared for his safety or he’d be gone for days. All she asks is to be updated once in a while. As Sir Tofi explained, “Kaya mong magbigay hindi man siguro ng buong-buong suporta pero kaya mo kahit paano pakinggan o alamin, ‘Saan ka nga ba nanggagaling?’ ‘Pag nakita ko naman na hindi ito nakasasama sa’yo, susuportahan kita or, at least, hindi ko haharangan ang gusto mong mangyari.”Next, on being over controlling, Sir Tofi clarified that, more often than not, it’s rooted in a precedent situation that broke the ‘controlling’ partner’s trust. Once cheating happens, the betrayed partner will likely struggle to forget, leading to paranoia. Know that it’s still possible to save the relationship. You just need to put in the effort to talk things out as the unresolved issues tend to open up bigger acts of infidelity. “Minsan ‘pag napag-uusapan, nare-resolve. Pero mas madalas na nangyayari diyan sa mga momshies, eh tipong nagiging over controlling na. Kahit wala namang ginagawa ‘yung partner, eh tipong napu-push tuloy nila lalo. Kasi lagi nang na-i-imbibe sa kanila na, ‘Ah, gano’n pala ang tingin mo sa akin, I’ll just do it,’” warned Sir Tofi.He also advised couples to make sure that communication is anchored on listening. Give your spouse full attention. Follow the observe-reflect-ask pattern. Observe how your husband/wife is feeling, then bring it up to him/her in a loving way. His other tip is to never start a question with “why” since it can spark defensiveness, which is the number one hurdle of healthy communication. Instead, questions must begin with “what.” For example: “Ano ang nasa isip mo?” or “Ano’ng nararamdaman mo ngayon?”In a rapidly changing world, couples worry a lot about the concerns of their family life to the point of neglecting intimacy, which is a big no-no if you wish to sustain a healthy relationship. Sir Tofi emphasized the essence of date nights to help bring back intimacy. He clarified that date nights don’t always equate to fancy dinners or going out, as long as you both find some alone time. “Ang importante ay kilala mo ‘yung partner mo. Kasi, for example, and partner mo ay hinihiling niya cuddle time lang sa umaga pagkagising, ‘yun ang ‘yung solo time ninyo. O baka ito ‘yung partner na gusto lang niya katabi ka lang, okay na ‘yun. May kilala ako na ‘pag nagda-drive pauwi, hawakan mo lang ‘yung kamay niya, okay na ‘yun.“ Listen to the podcast as a momshie, married for 46 years, shares how she and her husband enjoy simple ‘dates’ even just by drinking coffee in their backyard.Last on the list is distraction that cuts into couple time, such as playing games on the phone while the partner is talking. Sir Tofi reminds, “Kapag meron kang partner, you always need to understand that he or she deserves your time as well. Walang masama na magkaroon ka ng alone time. Pero, tandaan mo, you are somebody who is being loved and being cared for by someone, and that someone also deserves the entire you kapag kunyaring kailangan ka niya.”When it comes to saving or sustaining a relationship, an expert’s advice is your greatest resource.Check out the special momshie forum on “fidelity” with Sir Tofi, Ian, and <a href="https://ent.abs-cbn.com/magandangbuhay">Magandang Buhay</a> hosts Regine, Jolina, and Melai in this podcast episode!

Learn marriage-saving tips from the momshies’ discussion with Ian Veneracion and guest psychologist Tofi de Jesus.  