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In-laws 101: Dimples and momshies share insightful stories on dealing with partner’s family

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Liezel dela Cruz

Do you have a ‘monster-in-law’?When two people build their own life together, they also get extra sets of families that they must get along with. And it can be tricky. Some end up having a salty instead of sweet relationship with their in-laws.With that, here are pieces of advice from Dimples Romana, guest psychologist Tofi de Jesus, and the <a href="https://ent.abs-cbn.com/magandangbuhay" target="_self">Magandang Buhay</a> momshies to help you build a smooth-sailing relationship with your partner’s side of the family.First things first, a good relationship with the in-laws does not happen overnight. In Dimples’ case, she only hit it off with Boyet’s mom, Mommy Beth, more than a decade into their marriage. They started civil, with Mommy Beth gushing about having a celebrity daughter-in-law, whom she’s a fan of. They were ‘okay’ but not close even after Dimples and Boyet stayed with the latter’s parents. Despite the stiff dynamic, Dimples showed ‘pakikisama’ and respect to Boyet’s parents who are also the owners of the house. “Their house, their rules,” she said.<div><iframe allow="autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; fullscreen; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen="" frameBorder="0" height="352" loading="lazy" src="https://open.spotify.com/embed/episode/27LhaFvqJzPbmK3KTSYhps?utm_source=generator" style="border-radius:12px" width="100%"></iframe></div>The couple eventually decided to leave and cleave to be able to stand on their own and build a sense of responsibility. Learn the benefits of living apart from the in-laws in the podcast!However, Dimples’ dynamic with Mommy Beth remained cold, so much the marriage started to crumble as well. “On the 10th year, Boyet was in Singapore, nagtatrabaho siya doon. Tapos nararamdaman ko na ‘yung strain namin lalo kasi malayo siya. Hindi kami okay ng buong pamilya. Parang konting kibot, may mali. Konting salita, may masasaktan,” she recalled, adding that she and Boyet weren’t even on speaking terms.At the time, her last resort was to swallow her pride and open a dialogue with his parents. “It really was the best way to go. So, ang ginawa ko lang tumawag ako kay Mommy, ‘Mommy, pwede po ba kayong imbitahan ni Papa na mag-dinner sa bahay?’ Thankfully, Mommy was gracious enough to come. Naramdaman ko na ‘yung pag-oo niya is also an indication that she also wants to reach us.”Dimples explained to Mommy Beth that she’s willing to put effort into improving their relationship as family. In turn, Mommy Beth appreciated her initiative, “At least it started from her. Tumawag siya sa bahay na kung pwede kami mag-usap. Ako, siyempre, gusto ko rin ‘yun kasi gusto ko ng masayang pamilya, na walang conflict. Tapos may mga apo pa ako. So, it all started from there. Naging maayos kami.”With a closer relationship, however, the mother-in-law becomes too comfortable to the point of spoiling the grandchildren, or in some cases overstepping with your parenting style. The key here, according to Sir Tofi, is setting clear boundaries and discussion with the in-laws. Check out the podcast as Sir Tofi shares specific steps to help stop the in-laws’ ‘pangingialam.’Another common cause of conflict between a daughter- and mother-in-law is silent competition. When there are two of you in the castle, who is the real queen?At some point, Dimples felt she was “competing” with Mommy Beth for Boyet’s attention. She went on to share a specific scenario when Mommy Beth prepared her white beans recipe for Boyet, which triggered her insecurity, “Iniisip ko, baka iniisip ng mother, nu’ng time nay un, ah? Baka iniisip ni Mommy kaya siya nagbigay ng food kasi I’m not feeding Boyet enough.”Sir Tofi explained that comparisons will only create friction in the relationship, especially if they come from the in-law’s perspective,” Minsan, you put your daughter-in-law in a standards na kung ano ka bilang tao. Eh, tandaan ninyo, hindi kayo parehas ng background.” Learn to respect each other’s individualities. He also reminds moms-in-law to get to know their children’s partners instead of jumping to conclusions.One momshie joining the forum shared that her husband had an affair while she was working overseas. To make it worse, the mother-in-law covered for the cheating husband and chose the mistress’ side. If you’re in a similar situation, Sir Tofi wants to tell you that it’s not your fault. He cited ‘familiarity’ as likely the cause of the in-law’s behavior, although, it will never be the right thing to do.He reminds moms-in-law, “Do not tolerate the infidelity of your child kahit na sabihin ninyong, ‘Eh kasi dito siya magiging masaya.’ Unfortunately, makukuha niya ‘yung saya na ‘yun sa maling paraan. Kung talagang hindi nagwo-work ‘yung marriage, then they need to talk it over kung paano i-e-end ‘yung relationship. Pero hindi ibig sabihin no’n na bilang biyenan, kayo pa ‘yung magiging tool para lalong magkahiwalay ‘yung mag-asawa.”To close the episode, Dimples and Mommy Beth shared their heartfelt messages for each other, which will inspire you to also build a smooth-sailing relationship with your partner&#x27;s family.Join the meaningful discussion by tuning in to this episode of Magandang Buhay The Podcast hosted by Regine Velaquez, Jolina Magdangal, and Melai Cantiveros.

Dimples Romana with guest expert Tofi de Jesus give some points on how to build a relationship with your in-laws.