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Down but not out: Nurses share stories and sacrifices in PH fight vs. COVID-19

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Maan Macapagal, ABS-CBN News

MANILA - At the end of a long toxic shift in the intensive care unit and emergency room, nurses and medical personnel are left to grapple with emotions of fear, anxiety and sadness.So many questions in a time of uncertainty.&quot;What happens if I catch the virus?&quot;&quot;What if I bring the virus to my family?&quot;&quot;When can I see and hug my children?&quot;As if the stress was not enough, they also experienced discrimination from people. They are also victims left to grieve their loved one’s death. But that can wait, they are summoned to war. They are like David in the time of Goliath - it is too much to bear.Nurses from The Medical City in Pasig share their stories and sacrifices with ABS-CBN News in the time of the COVID-19 pandemic.<div> NURSE CHEVY</div>She came out of the intensive care unit where we were supposed to meet. She wore a light brown coverall and blue head cap. I wanted to ask her if it was safe to meet.Chevy was apologetic. She assured me she has not seen any patient yet. She said she wasn’t also completely dressed. She needed to wear 3 more layers of PPE including a hazmat and disposable gown before going inside the ICU.She carried packs of food for lunch which she said she will bring to the pantry of ICU.Chevy Villaruel is a model nurse. She was the nurse picked by the hospital to train Angel Locsin in her movie role as a private nurse. She was recommended by the hospital because she is good at what she does.She works as a code nurse in the ICU responding to patients who need to be resuscitated. She said there is now a mad rush to resuscitate patients more than ever.“It’s not the regular thing, tapos, makikita po pa yung burden na may na-arrest, may binabalot, may namatay. Sobrang bigat niya,” Chevy shared.Chevy knows what it feels to lose a loved one. She has not even recovered from a recent heartache.She lost her husband last year after unsuccessfully resuscitating him when he suffered a heart attack. She could not save him. She did not know she was pregnant at that time. Her husband never met their youngest child. He was one patient she could not save.“Kapag may nakikita akong ka-age niya and we’re doing CPR one time talaga, kasi kakabalik ko lang, may code blue kami sa isang department, and I have to attend to it. Di ko talaga kaya so I asked one of my consultants that I be excused. Yun yung trauma for me, pero hanggang ngayon naman, umiiiyak pa rin,” Chevy said.Like all medical frontliners, Chevy admits she is afraid to catch the virus, especially when she is still breastfeeding her baby. She is afraid of leaving her children as orphans.“Yung first case namin na lumabas na positive is March 8. Noong nalaman namin na positive na yon, I was on duty. Yung fear na iyon na uuwi ako ng bahay, breastfed po kasi yung baby ko, na pa&#x27;no kapag sila nahawa, paano kapag naiuwi ko (ang virus). Lord, kinuha mo na yung husband ko, wag mo na hayaan na yung kids ko mawalan ng nanay,” Chevy said.Chevy said the situation in the hospital is overwhelming. She had to set aside her own grief and step up to the task of saving patients left and right.“The thing that we are seeing here is sobrang bigat, when you see those cases, kasi lahat sila naka-intubate lahat. Lahat sila critical. And parang ang bilis agad ng virus na ito. That’s why sabi ko nga, kung nakikita lang ng mga tao kung ano yung literal na nangyayari, inside the ICU set up, hindi nila gugustuhing lumabas ng bahay at magkasakit,” Chevy explained.Chevy said she misses &quot;ice cream sessions&quot; before going home just to unwind. But given the amount of work and stress, she and her friends no longer have time to destress together.“Before kasi, kapag may toxic kami sa ospital, bago kami umuwi ng bahay, ice cream session, para lang makapag-unwind. Pero kasi now, lockdown, walang unwinding time, walang unwinding session. It’s like parang from duty to hospital to hospital. Kasi makakauwi ka lang kapag may time, kapag may shuttle, kapag may service,” she shared.“Sobrang hirap po noon, kasi iniisip mo na kung may kinakain pa yung anak mo, na minsan kapag sasakay ka madi-discriminate ka pa. So there is additional stress, additional anxiety.”<div> NURSE JEFF</div>Jeff Gatbunton is a 30-yr-old senior nurse. He just lost his sister to a lingering illness a few days before the lockdown.“My sister died last March 6, 2020 and then nalibing po siya ng March 11. Then back to work po ako ng March 16. Start na po ng lockdown. There was an increasing number of cases. So in short, magulo na po that time nung bumalik po ako sa work,” he recalled.After the death of his father, Jeff took on the role of being the head of the family.He said his sister also died of respiratory distress. So it is hard for him to see patients with breathing problems.“Kasi yung respiratory distress din kasi yung ikinamatay nung kapatid ko, so everytime na nakakakita ako ng mga patient na parehas ng nangyayari, naaalala ko siya,” Jeff said.The ER nurse said he has to keep a stiff upper lip and hold his composure and reassure patients to be effective in his job.“Kailangan mong maging professional eh. Parang i-set aside mo yung personal life mo sa work, so syempre kailangan courageous kang humarap sa patient. Kailangang makitaan ka nila na strong ka para makakuha rin sila ng lakas ng loob sa mga healthcare providers,” he said.Jeff was forced to set aside his own grief because his patients and his family depended on him.“Dahil nga po sa pandemic na ito. Sobrang busy ko na parang hindi ko na magawang umiyak. Nagiging busy ako, though hindi ko siya masyadong naiisip. Minsan pag may free time naaalala ko. Pero syempre, kailangan ko maging strong for the family kasi parang sa&#x27;kin nakakapit, sa&#x27;kin umaasa, sa&#x27;kin kumukuha ng lakas. So hindi ako dapat magpakita na parang bumibigay ako,” he said.<div> NURSE FLO</div>Nurse Flo Nido is the OIC nurse in the ER. She said it is her job to be the bearer of bad news. She is tasked to inform families that their loved one has died.COVID-19 made her job even more difficult because the body has to be cremated in 12 hours with no proper wake.“Tinatanong po nila kung puwede po nila makita. Kaso &#x27;yun nga po, protocol po na bawal po talaga. Makiki-empathize ka, na masakit. Mabigat po, kung paano mo sasabihin. Syempre iisipin mo yung nararamdaman nila. So kailangan iisipin mo kung paano mo id-direct sa kanila na matatanggap nila,” Flo shared.Flo is married, and has 3-year-old twins (one boy and one girl). She said it breaks her heart not to be with them as they celebrate their 4th birthday.“So first few days is just fine. I just thought it was a staycation. And it’s my first time to be away from my family,” Flo said tearfully.“Ang dami mong iniisip. Hindi ka masyadong makakain, hindi ka masyado nakakatulog. Pero dapat, mas malakas ka ngayon diba. Kasi kailangan mo mapataas ang immune system mo,” she added.Flo said she started taking over-the-counter medicine to help her sleep. But they didn’t help.&quot;I started taking Benadryl, an over-the-counter medicine para makatulog. But succeeding days pa rin, nahihirapan na ako. I have a lot of thoughts and fear na baka mahawa ako or what, or madala ko sa family ko yung sakit. So ang daming negative thoughts. Parang hindi na po ako yung jolly. Natutulala ako minsan,” she said.Flo sought the help of a psychiatrist to cope with anxiety and stress. She said she started to recover with the help of her co-workers and friends who bring her out to joyrides to lift her mood.For Flo, acceptance of the situation was key to her feeling better.“Hanggang sa matanggap ko na ganun talaga ang buhay. Na matanggap ko na ganito muna, pansamantala yung setup ng buhay namin,” she said.<div> NORMAL TO FEEL DOWN</div>Clinical Psychologist Dr. Violeta Bautista said it is normal to feel anxiety and fear during this unique time of “disruption.”“Tandaan lang natin, dumadaan tayo sa mga kakaibang karanasan. Ngayon lang natin narararanasan siguro na magkaroon ng pandemic. Lagi kang may binabantayan na maaaring makapagdala sayo ng sakit. Kasabay nito, maraming pagbabago sa buhay na kinakailangan mag-adjust ka. Dahil dito, hindi kataka-taka na magkaroon tayo ng maraming reactions, cognitive, emotional,” Bautista explained.Bautista said people have different ways of coping with emotional and physical stress.“Nakakapagod talaga yun emotionally, physically. Kaya kailangan nila ng suporta ngayon. Hindi ibig sabihin dahil dumaan ka dun, hindi ibig sabihin magfa-fall apart ka. Iba-iba kasi yung antas ng lakas ng loob o resilience ng bawat tao,” she said.She noted that medical frontliners experience a great deal of emotions especially since they witness life and death situations in the ER and ICU, making them also fear for their own lives.“These days, pwedeng maging emotional tayo, irritable, laging nineberyos. May pagkakataon na feeling mo gusto mo mag-iiyak, lalo na kung expose ka, mas maraming peligro na tulad sa kaso ng mga frontline workers. Yung mga ganitong intense, matinding damdamin na pagbabago, yung pag-alisto natin sa ability natin to focus, ang tawag ko dun, pwedeng normal na reaction sa abnormal na reaction na sitwasyon,” Bautista explained.While emotions like grief and fear are normal, the pyschologist also warned about red flags as indications that medical intervention is necessary.“Kapag sumobra na, hindi ka na maka-function, ang tagal-tagal na, lampas na isang buwan, ganito ka pa rin at talagang naabala ka na rin sa pang araw-araw mo na buhay, nawawalan ka ng capacity para makipag-ugnayan o makipag-relate gawin ang iyong trabaho, maganda kumonsulta ka na, dahil baka may mas complex na problema na nade-develop,” Bautista said.The mental health expert advised medical frontliners to provide support among themselves, by offering help, encouraging and being sensitive to each other.“Sa mga panahong ito, maski mabigat yung pakiramdam natin, kapag nagkaroon ng oportunidad para lumigaya, huwag tayong ma-guilty na lumigaya tayo. In fact, tulungan natin yung ating sarili na lumigaya. Bayaan mo bigyan mo ng permiso ang sarili mo na mag-grieve. Ngayon, kung umiiyak tayo, gusto natin humagulhol nang sobra, okay lang. Hindi nakakahiya ‘yun. Hindi sign ng weakness. In fact, identify natin yung mga tao na pwedeng hingahan natin at maiintindihan tayo. At kapag nag-iiyak tayo, hindi ganun ibig sabihin nababaliw. Bayaan natin itong lumipas. Pagkatapos, tulungan natin ang ating sarili para hindi tayo masyadong malunod sa kalungkutan. Magkaroon tayo ng routine sa buhay,” Bautista advised.Nurses Chevy, Jeff and Flo continue the fight and live despite their own wounds.Chevy copes by posting photos on social media. Recently, their group received colorful PPEs from well-meaning people. Every day, she also posts her pictures with her baby. Simple things like these make her happy.Jeff is encouraged when people send them food, chocolates and small tokens of appreciation.Flo is happy just to see her twins daily via Skype.Down but not out, these modern-day heroes will continue the fight they started, better and stronger than before.

At the end of a long toxic shift in the intensive care unit and emergency room, nurses and medical personnel are left to grapple with emotions of fear, anxiety and sadness.

At the end of a long toxic shift in the intensive care unit and emergency room, nurses and medical personnel are left to grapple with emotions of fear, anxiety and sadness.

Down but not out: Nurses share stories and sacrifices in PH fight vs. COVID-19

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Down but not out: Nurses share stories and sacrifices in PH fight vs. COVID-19

Maan Macapagal,

ABS-CBN News

Published April 20, 2020 09:47 PM PHT

|

Updated April 22, 2020 11:38 AM PHT

Read More:

The Medical City

nurses

medical frontliners

mental health

coronavirus

COVID-19

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