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1. Never send your regrets on the day of unless you don't care about permanently severing the relationship.
2. Don't give an elaborate excuse or try too hard to sound convincing.
3. Be up front and say you can't make it as soon as you can. This is actually better for your host; it allows him to look for a replacement for you.
4. If regrets are given early enough, a simple "I'm so sorry I have a previous engagement" perfectly suffices. If given the day before the party, you'll have to claim an emergency. Don't expect to be believed.
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5. If you flake on the day of, send wine or flowers to your jilted hostess as soon as you can.
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Inexcusable excuses: All-time lamest regrets
(name of girlfriend) is really sick, but I've pumped her up with meds, and if she feels better in a bit, we'll try to make it." (Yeah, right.)
"I'm sorry, I have a family emergency." (Unless you can name an actual relative and a medical condition, you're obviously telling a lie.)
"Eh I'm feeling super tamad eh..." (Go f*ck yourself.)
This story first appeared in Metro Him Magazine "Style Guide" Edition 2008
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