Dannyka Manangan

Elisse Joson shares the moment she realized her relationship with McCoy de Leon had reached its end

Article (news)

Push Team

<div>Elisse Joson has been single for more than a year. And for the first time, she is opening up about why she walked away.</div>The actress sat down with fellow PBB housemate DJ Chacha Balba-Guevara for a candid conversation about life after her split with McCoy de Leon, how she and McCoy have made co-parenting work for their daughter Feliz, and the moment she knew the relationship had run its course.Co-parenting, she said, is not as simple as people assume. Elisse has Feliz on weekdays while McCoy takes over on weekends, but the arrangement still requires constant communication and compromise.&quot;I would say hindi siya madali. Hindi siya smooth-sailing. Para pa rin kayong technically in a different type of relationship kasi you&#x27;re the parent. Magkakaroon pa rin kayo ng misunderstanding, especially with the schedule,&quot; she said.She added that keeping the focus on Feliz is what keeps her from letting disagreements spiral.&quot;Pero, iisipin mo na lang talaga, this is for your kid. Kumbaga, separated na nga kayo, wala nang namang mag-away pa kayo. Eh &#x27;yung bata, &#x27;yung mahihirapan. So, lagi lang kami nag-uusap when it comes to scheduling, bigayan,&quot; she said.Elisse said she never loses sight of the fact that Feliz loves both her parents deeply, and that alone is reason enough to make the arrangement work.&quot;Kasi, the kid loves us both. And, namimiss niya lagi &#x27;yung daddy niya. Pagbibigyan mo din eh. Parang, kahit anong galit mo pa sa tao or anybody in general, parang, well, pag &#x27;yung anak mo na &#x27;yung may gusto na makasama at makita ang daddy niya, bakit ko ipagkakait?&quot; she said.On why she ended things with McCoy, Elisse was careful not to paint him in a bad light. For her, the decision came down to what she wanted Feliz to grow up seeing.&quot;May isang moment ka talaga na ma-realize na hindi na &#x27;yun &#x27;yung gusto mong ma-adapt ng anak mo in the future or ma-experience at kalakihan. I&#x27;m not saying Feliz&#x27;s dad is a bad person or anything. No, nothing like that at all. As a mom, maiisip mo, hindi na rin to ang gusto mo para sa anak mo when they grow up, the environment, or kung ano man. I guess, &#x27;yun din ang reason. Si Feliz din – &#x27;pag apektado na &#x27;yung anak,&quot; she said.She also stated she did not give up on the relationship without a fight. &quot;May mga moments ka before that na may mangyayari. And then biglang, &#x27;Sige, let&#x27;s keep trying. Let&#x27;s fix it. Let&#x27;s do everything we can.&#x27; Pero may moment talaga na, bigla mong mafe-feel na, hindi na &#x27;to, ayoko na,&quot; she said.Elisse also pushed back on the idea that keeping a family together at all costs is always the right call. Her advice to parents in similar situations was direct.&quot;I really believe kasi na hindi sa lahat ng situation or families, totoo &#x27;yung sinasabi nilang pagbuo &#x27;yung pamilya, mas lalaking maayos &#x27;yung bata. It&#x27;s not for everybody. True. Naintindihan ko maraming ganun ng thinking pa din until now. But ano ba &#x27;yung tanggap mo? Ano ba &#x27;yung kaya mong i-tolerate? Hanggang saan? And ano bang gusto mo para sa anak mo? And &#x27;yung sinasabi mo na signs, alam mo &#x27;yun sa sarili mo eh,&quot; she said.She also had a word for people who ignore red flags in relationships, noting that what a person shows before marriage is already the best version of themselves.&quot;&#x27;Yung iba kasi gusto mo na i-experience for themselves bago. Hindi ba, hindi nakikinig sa mga warning? Pero pag na-experience mo na, tapos meron ka nang nakita, alam mo na &#x27;yun eh. More or less it&#x27;s not gonna change. Sabi nga nila, before marriage daw, how they show themselves, that&#x27;s the best version before marriage. It&#x27;s not gonna get better after marriage. Sabi nila ha. So kung anong pakita sa&#x27;yo before, kaya mo bang tanggapin &#x27;yun? Kung kaya mong tanggapin &#x27;yun, then that&#x27;s good for you,&quot; she said.&quot;Pero kung may nakita ka na na hindi mo kayang i-tolerate for how many years, &#x27;yun &#x27;yung taong makakasama mo hanggang dulo eh. Kung hindi mo kaya &#x27;yan, huwag mong pagtiyagaan,&quot; she added.Elisse said she has talked to Feliz, now five years old, about the situation in a way a young child can understand. She believes in keeping children in the loop rather than letting them be blindsided by change.&quot;So, when you talk to them, kahit hindi pa nila fully ma-comprehend kung ano &#x27;yung talagang ibig sabihin ng sinasabi mo, at least you&#x27;re planting seeds na hindi mo sila binibigla. For me kasi, you always have to include your child no matter how young they are. In your day-to-day life,&quot; she said.She described the words she used with Feliz to explain what had changed. &quot;So I would say na &#x27;Mommy and Daddy are just friends now. That&#x27;s why Daddy has a different home. Mommy has a different home. And it&#x27;s better because Mommy and Daddy don&#x27;t have to fight. They care for each other more. We can take care of you better,&#x27;&quot; she said.Even when Feliz asks why, Elisse said she keeps explaining, over and over, until it sinks in.&quot;May mga why. Why Ma? But I want that here. I-explain mo pa din. Parang ulit-ulitin mo lang para kahit na hindi pa din nila talaga maintindihan, at least nape-prepare na sila. Once they reach the age na naiintindihan na nila, wala nang shock,&quot; she said.Elisse grew up in a broken family herself, which is why she said she fought as hard as she did to keep hers together.&quot;I never wanted this to happen as much as possible because nga I come from a broken family. Actually, ang ayoko nga &#x27;yung term na broken family kasi I didn&#x27;t feel broken. Meron ako talaga na goal and dream to keep it complete. Pero kasi, hindi mo pwedeng pang hawakan &#x27;yun kung unti-unti ka na nabobroken lalo,&quot; she said.&quot;Di ba at some point mararamdaman mong ganun eh. So you have to let go of that dream somehow if you feel that it&#x27;s really breaking you on the inside or it&#x27;s breaking a part of you,&quot; she added.She also admitted that guilt still finds its way back to her, particularly when she sees how much Feliz loves her father.&quot;I don&#x27;t think it&#x27;s ever gonna go away. I realize meron din hole na mafe-feel ka. Guilt, sadness, it comes back. Bigla na lang na makakaroon. Ramdam ka na what if you still push through or like to keep it together. Pero tinanggap ko din na not because I would feel sad on random days, doesn&#x27;t mean I have to act on it,&quot; she said.&quot;Minsan &#x27;yung mga emotions natin na ganyan, it&#x27;s just there to remind us of everything we&#x27;ve been through. Hindi necessarily to go back to old ways or old patterns or old situations,&quot; she added.She explained where the guilt comes from.&quot;When I look at Feliz. Because I see that she loves her dad so much. Noong naghiwalay kami, ano na siya eh. Meron na siyang idea of her dad, of the family. So, super close niya with her dad. Pag nakikita ko, syempre, nakakaramdam ako minsan ng guilt. May kurot, may kurot pa din. But &#x27;yun lang. &#x27;Yun lang &#x27;yun. Hindi naman siya &#x27;yung parang always na guilty na lang ako. But I still feel that I have made a good decision,&quot; she said.Elisse also admitted she initially wanted McCoy to follow the same household rules she had set for Feliz. She eventually let that go too.&quot;But I realized, when I do that, hindi mo na &#x27;yun mapipilit eh. Kasi, nasa ibang household na siya eh. And iba &#x27;yung rules doon, iba &#x27;yung way of living doon, palakaran doon. &#x27;Pag pinilit mo pa, ikaw nga lang &#x27;yung masistress. And I just looked at it in a way na at least she gets to live both worlds,&quot; she said.&quot;I&#x27;m sure tinuturuan naman siya ng tama. Hindi naman ipapahamak &#x27;yung anak niya. Okay na &#x27;yun. Like sometimes you just have to learn to let go,&quot; she added.<div> </div><div>—By Paolo Lim</div>