Maritess De Ocampo

Family Photo by Pexels / RDNE Stock Project

Family Photo from Pexels / RDNE Stock Project

Article (news)

Family Photo by Pexels / RDNE Stock Project 

<div><span class="fr-img-caption fr-fic fr-dib" style="width:958px"><span class="fr-img-wrap"><img src="https://od2-image-api.abs-cbn.com/prod/editorImage/1786905201280Thumbnail Monday Check In.jpg" class="fr-fic fr-dib"/><span class="fr-inner"><em>Caught in the Middle: The Quiet Strength of the Sandwich Generation </em></span></span></span>Some struggles do not announce themselves loudly. They happen in the quiet rush between checking on our children and doctor’s appointments, in unread work emails, unpaid bills, late night medication reminders, and the constant mental checklist that never seems to end. For many adults, this is the daily reality of belonging to the Sandwich Generation: those raising children while caring for aging parents. It is a role that is slowly contributing to the mental health crisis in the world. In as much as it is carried with deep love, it also brings with it physical exhaustion, financial pressure, and emotional weight. </div><p>For adults in their 30s, 40s, and 50s, the experience is becoming increasingly common—and increasingly difficult to sustain. To be caught in the middle is to live between two kinds of need: the future you are nurturing through your children, and the past you are honoring through your parents. </p><div><iframe class="instagram-media instagram-media-rendered" id="instagram-embed-0" src="https://www.instagram.com/reel/C33qdFdr7YO/embed/?cr=1&amp;v=14&amp;wp=648&amp;rd=https%3A%2F%2Fod2-workbench-web.abs-cbn.com&amp;rp=%2F#%7B%22ci%22%3A0%2C%22os%22%3A1013456.1999999881%7D" allowtransparency="true" allowfullscreen="" frameBorder="0" height="882" data-instgrm-payload-id="instagram-media-payload-0" scrolling="no" style="background:white;max-width:540px;width:calc(100% - 2px);border-radius:3px;border:1px solid rgb(219, 219, 219);box-shadow:none;display:block;margin:0px 0px 12px;min-width:326px;padding:0px"></iframe></div><script async="" src="//www.instagram.com/embed.js"></script><div><strong>The Pressure No One Sees </strong></div><p>We have been taught that caring for our loved ones as they age is an honor, and it is. But what we are not always told is how heavy the emotional strain can be. Being a caregiver while also taking care of our own families and ourselves takes a real toll on our mental well-being. This responsibility can keep us in a constant state of invisible pressure, pushing the brain into survival mode. The mind never fully shuts down to rest; it remains alert, always anticipating the next stressor. Over time, this can lead to low focus, irritability, and elevated cortisol levels that affect us physiologically. Eventually, caregivers may develop a heightened sense of hyper-responsibility, feeling accountable for the outcomes of everyone they care for. This can become a dangerous mental loop because, in truth, so much of life is beyond our control, especially when other people and other lives are involved. It can make caregivers feel as if everything rests on their shoulders and that, if they stop, everything will collapse. Despite this pressure, expressing their struggles is often the last thing they want to do because it feels as though someone always needs them more. So, they endure the seemingly never-ending depletion. </p><div><strong>When Love Comes With Complicated Feelings </strong></div><p>Juggling and switching between multiple roles in a single day can be confusing. One moment, you are nurturing and providing for your children; the next, you are showing up as a professional at work; and later, you are becoming a caregiver and emotional support for your parents. Each role requires different functions, skills, and levels of emotional and cognitive capacity. This emotional role confusion can be overwhelming. Sometimes, we do not even realize how drained and strained our lives have become because we rationalize it as busyness and begin to see overload as normal. Watching our parents experience physical or cognitive decline can be emotionally heavy. As we care for, guide, and nurture the people who once raised us, the jarring reality of role reversal settles in day after day. At times, we experience grief, especially when our parents are dealing with neurological conditions or prolonged chronic illnesses such as cancer or Alzheimer’s disease. This ambiguous loss is painful because we mourn who our parents used to be, the relationship we once had, and the voice and laughter that used to give us comfort. The confusing mix of love, anger, guilt, and sadness that grief brings can remain ongoing and unresolved because there is no clear closure. The person we are grieving is still physically present, yet may feel cognitively or emotionally absent. </p><div><iframe class="instagram-media instagram-media-rendered" id="instagram-embed-2" src="https://www.instagram.com/p/DYzRp2eEfqI/embed/?cr=1&amp;v=14&amp;wp=648&amp;rd=https%3A%2F%2Fod2-workbench-web.abs-cbn.com&amp;rp=%2F#%7B%22ci%22%3A2%2C%22os%22%3A1199643.099999994%7D" allowtransparency="true" allowfullscreen="" frameBorder="0" height="882" data-instgrm-payload-id="instagram-media-payload-2" scrolling="no" style="background:white;max-width:540px;width:calc(100% - 2px);border-radius:3px;border:1px solid rgb(219, 219, 219);box-shadow:none;display:block;margin:0px 0px 12px;min-width:326px;padding:0px"></iframe></div><script async="" src="//www.instagram.com/embed.js"></script><div><a class="fr-green fr-strong" href="https://www.abs-cbn.com/lifestyle/health-beauty-fashion/2026/8/3/seven-ways-to-support-a-family-member-going-through-a-difficult-time-1142" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">YOU MAY ALSO LIKE: Seven ways to support a family member who is going through a difficult time</a></div><div><strong>The Cost of Putting Life on Hold </strong></div><p>The financial strain of providing for and raising a family is not easy today. Yet many caregivers also support their aging parents out of pocket, especially when medical insurance only covers certain age groups or has limited benefits. The monthly budget must stretch across medical bills, prescriptions, specialized diets, tuition, household expenses, retirement savings, and emergency funds. As the bills rise, personal desires, dreams, and hobbies are postponed or placed on hold. In many cases, entire lives. The careers, relationships, and opportunities are paused as caregiving takes center stage. Eventually, every day becomes task-driven, and emotional numbness begins to creep in. Still, even these realities barely capture the daily demands of the Sandwich Generation. They are carrying a load that was never meant for one person alone, yet they are often the ones least likely to ask for help. They have become so practiced at being needed that receiving support can feel unfamiliar, even uncomfortable. Guilt whispers, “I should be able to do it all.” And so they measure themselves against impossible standards: present enough for their children, patient enough for their parents, productive enough at work, steady enough at home. But no one can pour endlessly from an empty cup. They are doing more than enough and deserve not only admiration, but real support, compassion, and relief. </p><div><iframe class="instagram-media instagram-media-rendered" id="instagram-embed-4" src="https://www.instagram.com/p/DBekSYhAPxw/embed/?cr=1&amp;v=14&amp;wp=648&amp;rd=https%3A%2F%2Fod2-workbench-web.abs-cbn.com&amp;rp=%2F#%7B%22ci%22%3A4%2C%22os%22%3A1283588%7D" allowtransparency="true" allowfullscreen="" frameBorder="0" height="882" data-instgrm-payload-id="instagram-media-payload-4" scrolling="no" style="background:white;max-width:540px;width:calc(100% - 2px);border-radius:3px;border:1px solid rgb(219, 219, 219);box-shadow:none;display:block;margin:0px 0px 12px;min-width:326px;padding:0px"></iframe></div><script async="" src="//www.instagram.com/embed.js"></script><div><strong>How to Carry the Load Without Carrying It Alone </strong></div><p> •<strong> Involve the Village. </strong>Now is the best time to lean on siblings and family members so everyone can come together and provide mutual support. Hold clear and direct family meetings to divide tasks such as handling doctor’s visits, managing finances, and doing household chores. Let family members know that their help is both wanted and needed. Respect differing opinions, and be clear about expectations from one another. It can be nerve-racking to discuss an emotionally stressful situation, and disagreements may arise. But involving everyone means sharing the honor of caring for an aging loved one while also lessening your mental load. </p><p> • <strong>Share Schedules and Logistics.</strong> Use tools such as Google Calendar, shared folders, and chat groups to coordinate children’s schedules, doctor’s visits, medications, prescriptions, checklists, and important documents. Giving everyone access and visibility makes transitions easier when you need to attend to personal matters or simply rest. </p><p> • <strong>Automate Tasks.</strong> Groceries, grocery lists, deliveries, and bill payments can often be automated. These tasks take up a lot of mental space, and automating them creates more room for rest, presence, and time for yourself. </p><p> • <strong>Have “The Talk.”</strong> It is best to discuss matters such as advance directives, healthcare proxies, power of attorney, insurance, finances, and other important documents with your aging loved one while they are still able to participate. Involving them in decisions that directly affect them can ease the burden of decision-making and make it easier for the whole family to move forward with clarity and direction when difficult moments arise. </p><p> • <strong>Protect Your Mental Wellbeing.</strong> Block off at least 30 minutes a day to recenter. You can take quiet walks, read, or have uninterrupted rest. Find a hobby that allows you to step away from the weight of multiple emotional roles, and include this time in the weekly shared family schedule so others know when to step in. Take care of your health and incorporate movement when possible—whether by involving your children, exercising while your caregiving recipient is asleep, or choosing small, manageable routines. Seek external support from friends, caregiver groups, therapists, or people who are going through similar struggles and understand the complexity of emotions that comes with caregiving. </p><div><iframe class="instagram-media instagram-media-rendered" id="instagram-embed-6" src="https://www.instagram.com/reel/DZF_-AwsppI/embed/?cr=1&amp;v=14&amp;wp=648&amp;rd=https%3A%2F%2Fod2-workbench-web.abs-cbn.com&amp;rp=%2F#%7B%22ci%22%3A6%2C%22os%22%3A1392166.2999999821%7D" allowtransparency="true" allowfullscreen="" frameBorder="0" height="882" data-instgrm-payload-id="instagram-media-payload-6" scrolling="no" style="background:white;max-width:540px;width:calc(100% - 2px);border-radius:3px;border:1px solid rgb(219, 219, 219);box-shadow:none;display:block;margin:0px 0px 12px;min-width:326px;padding:0px"></iframe></div><script async="" src="//www.instagram.com/embed.js"></script><div><a class="fr-strong" href="https://www.abs-cbn.com/lifestyle/health-beauty-fashion/2026/7/26/am-i-burned-out-mental-health-coach-zarah-hernaez-teaches-us-understand-burnout-reclaim-balance-2257">RELATED STORY: Am I burnt out? Mental health coach Zarah Hernaez teaches us how to understand burnout and reclaim our balance</a></div><p>The Sandwich Generation is growing as adults have children later in life and older people live longer. Caring for loved ones is often described as an honor—and it is. But honor should not require exhaustion as proof of devotion. Love should not ask one person to disappear so everyone else can survive. The caregivers standing quietly in the middle are holding together more than most people can see. They are raising the next generation while grieving, guiding, protecting, and providing for the one before them.</p><p>To every caregiver moving through the day with a tired body and a full heart: you are not alone. That pause is not making you fall behind. You are not weak for needing help. May the care you give so freely find its way back to you. May the hands that have held everyone else finally learn what it feels like to be held.</p><div><em>If today’s conversation resonated with you and you’d like to explore the topic further, you may connect with mental health coach Zarah Hernaez through her </em><a href="https://www.instagram.com/zeeheehee/" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><em>Instagram</em></a><em> account via direct message.</em></div><div><strong>ABOUT THE AUTHOR</strong></div><div><strong><img src="https://od2-image-api.abs-cbn.com/prod/editorImage/1786904292789ZARAH HERNAEZ_PROFILE PHOTO.jpg" class="fr-fic fr-dib" style="width:386px"/></strong><br/></div><div><a href="https://www.instagram.com/zeeheehee/" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><em>ZARAH R. HERNAEZ</em></a><em> is a mental health advocate and US Certified Mental Health First Aider from the National Council for Behavioral Health, Washington DC, USA and a certified Positive Psychology and Well-Being Coach from the Stanford School of Medicine. She is also the founder of </em><a href="https://www.instagram.com/thewellnestph/" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><em>The Wellnest PH</em></a><em>, a Mental Health Advocacy dedicated to creating a safe space and giving assistance to those going through mental health concerns in the Philippines. (Photo courtesy of Zarah Hernaez)</em></div><div><em>Thumbnail photo credit: Photo from </em><a href="https://www.pexels.com/photo/a-happy-asian-family-sitting-on-a-bench-5637704/" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><em>Pexels</em></a><em>/RDNE Stock Project</em></div>

<p>Why is caregiving so emotionally exhausting? This article by mental health coach Zarah Hernaez examines the mental-health challenges experienced by the Sandwich Generation brought about by grief, guilt, exhaustion, and financial strain—and how families can offer meaningful support.</p>

Why is caregiving so emotionally exhausting? This article by mental health coach Zarah Hernaez examines the mental-health challenges experienced by the Sandwich Generation brought about by grief, guilt, exhaustion, and financial strain—and how families can offer meaningful support.

Are you part of the Sandwich Generation? The reality of raising children while caring for aging parents

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Are you part of the Sandwich Generation? The reality of raising children while caring for aging parents

Zarah R. Hernaez

Published August 17, 2026 02:41 AM PHT

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Updated August 17, 2026 02:45 AM PHT

Read More:

Sandwich Generation

Mental Health

Emotional Wellbeing

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