Maritess De Ocampo

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Family Photo from Canva by Crystal Sing

Zarah R. Hernaez

<div><span class="fr-img-caption fr-fic fr-dib" style="width:958px"><span class="fr-img-wrap"><img src="https://od2-image-api.abs-cbn.com/prod/editorImage/1788110191114THUMBNAIL pexels-cottonbro-6954063.jpg" class="fr-fic fr-dib"/><span class="fr-inner"><em>Photo from Pexels/Cottonbro Studio</em></span></span></span></div><p>When we were young, the word family seemed easy to define. For many Filipinos, it meant the people gathered around the same table: parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and often a lively crowd of cousins whose names and stories filled every reunion. Family was attached to bloodlines, surnames, legal ties, and long-standing traditions. It was the group we were taught to hold close, honor deeply, and protect fiercely. The structure felt familiar and unquestioned, as if family were something already decided for us before we even had the language to describe it. </p><div><iframe class="instagram-media" id="instagram-embed-0" src="https://www.instagram.com/p/DVtwG3DjZoj/embed/?cr=1&amp;v=14&amp;wp=648&amp;rd=https%3A%2F%2Fod2-workbench-web.abs-cbn.com&amp;rp=%2F#%7B%22ci%22%3A0%2C%22os%22%3A3743675.700000018%7D" allowtransparency="true" allowfullscreen="" frameBorder="0" height="0" data-instgrm-payload-id="instagram-media-payload-0" scrolling="no" style="background:white;max-width:540px;width:calc(100% - 2px);border-radius:3px;border:1px solid rgb(219, 219, 219);box-shadow:none;display:block;margin:0px;min-width:326px;padding:0px;position:absolute"></iframe></div><blockquote class=" instagram-media-registered" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/DVtwG3DjZoj/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="14" id="instagram-media-payload-0" style="background:#FFF;border:0;border-radius:3px;box-shadow:0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15);margin:1px;max-width:540px;min-width:326px;padding:0;width:calc(100% - 2px)"><div style="padding:16px"><a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/DVtwG3DjZoj/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" style="background:#FFFFFF;line-height:0;padding:0 0;text-align:center;text-decoration:none;width:100%" target="_blank"><div style="display:flex;flex-direction:row;align-items:center"><div style="background-color:#F4F4F4;border-radius:50%;flex-grow:0;height:40px;margin-right:14px;width:40px"><br/></div><div style="display:flex;flex-direction:column;flex-grow:1;justify-content:center"><div style="background-color:#F4F4F4;border-radius:4px;flex-grow:0;height:14px;margin-bottom:6px;width:100px"><br/></div><div style="background-color:#F4F4F4;border-radius:4px;flex-grow:0;height:14px;width:60px"><br/></div></div></div><div style="padding:19% 0"><br/></div><div style="display:block;height:50px;margin:0 auto 12px;width:50px"><br/></div><div style="padding-top:8px"><div style="color:#3897f0;line-height:18px">View this post on Instagram</div></div><div style="padding:12.5% 0"><br/></div><div style="display:flex;flex-direction:row;margin-bottom:14px;align-items:center"><div><div style="background-color:#F4F4F4;border-radius:50%;height:12.5px;width:12.5px;transform:translateX(0px) translateY(7px)"><br/></div><div style="background-color:#F4F4F4;height:12.5px;transform:rotate(-45deg) translateX(3px) translateY(1px);width:12.5px;flex-grow:0;margin-right:14px;margin-left:2px"><br/></div><div style="background-color:#F4F4F4;border-radius:50%;height:12.5px;width:12.5px;transform:translateX(9px) translateY(-18px)"><br/></div></div><div style="margin-left:8px"><div style="background-color:#F4F4F4;border-radius:50%;flex-grow:0;height:20px;width:20px"><br/></div><div style="width:0;height:0;border-top:2px solid transparent;border-left:6px solid #f4f4f4;border-bottom:2px solid transparent;transform:translateX(16px) translateY(-4px) rotate(30deg)"><br/></div></div><div style="margin-left:auto"><div style="width:0px;border-top:8px solid #F4F4F4;border-right:8px solid transparent;transform:translateY(16px)"><br/></div><div style="background-color:#F4F4F4;flex-grow:0;height:12px;width:16px;transform:translateY(-4px)"><br/></div><div style="width:0;height:0;border-top:8px solid #F4F4F4;border-left:8px solid transparent;transform:translateY(-4px) translateX(8px)"><br/></div></div></div><div style="display:flex;flex-direction:column;flex-grow:1;justify-content:center;margin-bottom:24px"><div style="background-color:#F4F4F4;border-radius:4px;flex-grow:0;height:14px;margin-bottom:6px;width:224px"><br/></div><div style="background-color:#F4F4F4;border-radius:4px;flex-grow:0;height:14px;width:144px"><br/></div></div></a><div style="color:#c9c8cd;line-height:17px;margin-bottom:0;margin-top:8px;overflow:hidden;padding:8px 0 7px;text-align:center;text-overflow:ellipsis;white-space:nowrap"><a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/DVtwG3DjZoj/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" style="color:#c9c8cd;line-height:17px;text-decoration:none" target="_blank">A post shared by Aaron Lovins (@officialaaronlovins)</a></div></div></blockquote><script async="" src="//www.instagram.com/embed.js"></script><p>But life has a way of widening our definitions. As we grow older, we begin to see that family does not exist in only one form. There are traditional or nuclear families, where two parents raise their children under one roof. There are extended Filipino households where generations live together or remain closely connected through daily support, shared meals, and constant presence. There are blended families, where children from previous relationships are welcomed into new unions and learn the delicate language of step-parents, step-siblings, and second chances. There are single-parent families that prove, again and again, that love and responsibility are not measured by numbers. There are families led by same-sex, non-binary, or transgender couples who build nurturing homes with the same devotion, sacrifice, and hope as any parent. There are child-free couples and individuals who create circles of care beyond the expected path. And there are chosen families—people bound not by law or blood, but by loyalty, safety, and love freely given.</p><div><iframe class="instagram-media instagram-media-rendered" id="instagram-embed-2" src="https://www.instagram.com/p/DaDmSB7g_2C/embed/?cr=1&amp;v=14&amp;wp=648&amp;rd=https%3A%2F%2Fod2-workbench-web.abs-cbn.com&amp;rp=%2F#%7B%22ci%22%3A2%2C%22os%22%3A3778562.800000012%7D" allowtransparency="true" allowfullscreen="" frameBorder="0" height="747" data-instgrm-payload-id="instagram-media-payload-2" scrolling="no" style="background:white;max-width:540px;width:calc(100% - 2px);border-radius:3px;border:1px solid rgb(219, 219, 219);box-shadow:none;display:block;margin:0px 0px 12px;min-width:326px;padding:0px"></iframe></div><script async="" src="//www.instagram.com/embed.js"></script><div><strong>The Heart of Belonging </strong></div><p>We encounter these family dynamics every day, in classrooms, workplaces, neighborhoods, churches, group chats, and offices. Eventually, the idea of family grows beyond structure and becomes something more meaningful: a sense of belonging. Family is made visible in shared memories: birthdays, graduations, small victories, mistakes, road trips, arguments, reconciliations, grief, laughter, and ordinary afternoons that become precious only after time has passed. It shapes a collective identity, giving people a language for who they are and where they come from. </p><p>At its best, family is the soil that nurtures us. It teaches values, forms beliefs, and gives us the courage to meet the world with roots beneath our feet. Hopefully, it would be the same soil that would make us bloom and bear fruit. This is why the emotional promise of family is so powerful. It tells us that there is a place where we can grow, fail, apologize, heal, and be accepted without being reduced to our worst days. It offers reassurance that someone will notice when we are not ourselves, celebrate when we rise, and sit with us when life becomes too heavy to carry alone. A healthy family does not demand perfection. It offers presence. It becomes a sanctuary, a team, and a steady hand on the back when the path ahead feels uncertain. </p><p>Yet because family is so deeply tied to love, loyalty, and identity, it can also be the place where wounds cut the deepest. There are moments when family fails us. A strong bond can turn painful when it is used to excuse disrespect, control, or the absence of boundaries. It may begin quietly: ignored limits, pressure to make choices we are uncomfortable with, or expectations that we sacrifice our own well-being to keep peace. It may appear through financial, physical, mental, emotional, sexual, or spiritual boundaries being crossed. Sometimes, a family insists on one fixed identity instead of allowing each person to become fully themselves. </p><div><iframe class="instagram-media instagram-media-rendered" id="instagram-embed-4" src="https://www.instagram.com/p/DNCjq-5x9VB/embed/?cr=1&amp;v=14&amp;wp=648&amp;rd=https%3A%2F%2Fod2-workbench-web.abs-cbn.com&amp;rp=%2F#%7B%22ci%22%3A4%2C%22os%22%3A3808686.200000018%7D" allowtransparency="true" allowfullscreen="" frameBorder="0" height="882" data-instgrm-payload-id="instagram-media-payload-4" scrolling="no" style="background:white;max-width:540px;width:calc(100% - 2px);border-radius:3px;border:1px solid rgb(219, 219, 219);box-shadow:none;display:block;margin:0px 0px 12px;min-width:326px;padding:0px"></iframe></div><script async="" src="//www.instagram.com/embed.js"></script><p>The message becomes: This is who we are, so this is who you must be. It is also easy to take family for granted because closeness can create dangerous permission. Harm may come as constant criticism, manipulation, gaslighting, or the complete absence of empathy during crisis. It may begin as bullying disguised as jokes, playful mocking, or comments that are dismissed with, “You are too sensitive.” Worse, harmful behavior can continue without apology, acknowledgment, or willingness to change, protected by the idea that forgiveness should be automatic because “we are family.” </p><p>Another quiet fracture happens through parentification, when children are forced to take on adult responsibilities too soon like managing a parent’s emotions, caring for siblings while they are still children themselves, or contributing to finances before they have had the chance to simply grow. These reversals can leave anxiety, resentment, and exhaustion that follow a person long into adulthood. When the safe place becomes the source of pain, the effects can be devastating.  </p><div><strong>Choosing Healthier Bonds </strong></div><p>Our exposure to many kinds of families has taught this generation an important truth: sometimes, family is also a choice. This does not erase the value of biological or legal ties. Rather, it reminds us that love must be practiced, not merely claimed. More people are learning to step away from relationships that repeatedly harm them, not because they have stopped caring, but because survival sometimes requires distance. They choose boundaries, therapy, honest conversations, or, when necessary, separation. They build homes and communities where respect is not conditional, where love is not used as a weapon, and where support does not require self-abandonment.</p><div><br/></div><div><iframe class="instagram-media instagram-media-rendered" id="instagram-embed-6" src="https://www.instagram.com/p/DZ91f44xfKL/embed/?cr=1&amp;v=14&amp;wp=648&amp;rd=https%3A%2F%2Fod2-workbench-web.abs-cbn.com&amp;rp=%2F#%7B%22ci%22%3A6%2C%22os%22%3A3850500.200000018%7D" allowtransparency="true" allowfullscreen="" frameBorder="0" height="747" data-instgrm-payload-id="instagram-media-payload-6" scrolling="no" style="background:white;max-width:540px;width:calc(100% - 2px);border-radius:3px;border:1px solid rgb(219, 219, 219);box-shadow:none;display:block;margin:0px 0px 12px;min-width:326px;padding:0px"></iframe></div><script async="" src="//www.instagram.com/embed.js"></script><div><strong>Family Is a Commitment </strong></div><p>In these troubled times, the importance of family cannot be denied. Guidance, love, and support can plant the seed for a stronger, kinder generation. But if there is one thing we must add to our understanding of family, it is this: family is not only an automatic bond or a permanent guarantee. It is an active responsibility. It is a daily decision to value people with care, respect, honesty, patience, and love. It asks us to listen even when we disagree, to apologize when we cause pain, to protect without controlling, and to support without possessing. Perhaps redefining family means allowing the word to become larger, softer, and more honest.</p><p>It means honoring the people who raised us while also recognizing the people who restored us. It means understanding that home is not always the house where we were born; sometimes, it is the friend who answers at midnight, the sibling who finally learns to listen, the parent who chooses to change, the partner who makes peace feel possible, or the child who teaches us to love with more courage than fear.    </p><div><iframe class="instagram-media instagram-media-rendered" id="instagram-embed-8" src="https://www.instagram.com/reel/DU2e3OKjNmc/embed/?cr=1&amp;v=14&amp;wp=648&amp;rd=https%3A%2F%2Fod2-workbench-web.abs-cbn.com&amp;rp=%2F#%7B%22ci%22%3A8%2C%22os%22%3A3894143.800000012%7D" allowtransparency="true" allowfullscreen="" frameBorder="0" height="882" data-instgrm-payload-id="instagram-media-payload-8" scrolling="no" style="background:white;max-width:540px;width:calc(100% - 2px);border-radius:3px;border:1px solid rgb(219, 219, 219);box-shadow:none;display:block;margin:0px 0px 12px;min-width:326px;padding:0px"></iframe></div><script async="" src="//www.instagram.com/embed.js"></script><p>Family, in its truest form, is not proven by a shared name, a photograph, or a place on a family tree. It is proven in the moments when someone stays gentle with our broken parts, when they choose accountability over pride, and when they make us feel that we do not have to earn our right to be loved. And if we are fortunate enough to find that kind of family—or brave enough to build it—then we carry within us one of life’s deepest comforts: the quiet, unshakable truth that somewhere in this world, we are not alone. </p><div><span class="fr-img-caption fr-fic fr-dib" style="width:958px"><span class="fr-img-wrap"><img src="https://od2-image-api.abs-cbn.com/prod/editorImage/1788144228080Canva Thumbnail.jpg" class="fr-fic fr-dib"/><span class="fr-inner"><em>Photo from Canva/Crystal Sing</em></span></span></span></div><div><em>If today’s conversation resonated with you and you’d like to explore the topic further, you may connect with mental health coach Zarah Hernaez through her</em><a href="https://www.instagram.com/zeeheehee/" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><em> Instagram</em></a><em> account via direct message.</em></div><div><strong>ABOUT THE AUTHOR</strong></div><div><strong><img src="https://od2-image-api.abs-cbn.com/prod/editorImage/1788103081615ZARAH HERNAEZ_PROFILE PHOTO.jpg" class="fr-fic fr-dib" style="width:445px"/></strong><br/></div><div><em>ZARAH R. HERNAEZ is a mental health advocate and US Certified Mental Health First Aider from the National Council for Behavioral Health, Washington DC, USA and a certified Positive Psychology and Well-Being Coach from the Stanford School of Medicine. She is also the founder of The Wellnest PH, a Mental Health Advocacy dedicated to creating a safe space and giving assistance to those going through mental health concerns in the Philippines. (Photo courtesy of Zarah Hernaez)</em></div><div><em>Photo credits: Thumbnail photo and photo 2 from Canva by Crystal Sing, photo 1 from </em><a href="https://www.pexels.com/photo/people-eating-and-dining-together-6954063/" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><em>Pexels/Cottonbro Studio</em></a></div>

<p>For today's Monday Check-In, we explore how the healthiest families choose respect over control, accountability over pride, and love that never requires self-abandonment. More than a bond, family is a daily decision to care, respect, and love.</p>

For today's Monday Check-In, we explore how the healthiest families choose respect over control, accountability over pride, and love that never requires self-abandonment. More than a bond, family is a daily decision to care, respect, and love.

Redefining Family: How our closest relationships impact our health

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Redefining Family: How our closest relationships impact our health

Zarah R. Hernaez

Published August 31, 2026 01:29 AM PHT

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Updated August 31, 2026 10:44 AM PHT

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Monday Check-In

Family And Relationships

Family

Love

Commitment

Emotional Wellbeing

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