Maria Katrina Paras

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Dry Dating

<p>In an era where hookup culture is not just normalized but celebrated, a more discerning revolution is taking place—one that prioritizes emotional connection over mere physical intimacy. “<strong>Dry dating</strong>” may have been known as a term that pertains to dating without alcohol, but others have chosen to redefine it. In the sexual context, “dry dating” is a movement that’s gaining momentum as <strong>more women choose to engage in relationships without sex</strong>, at least in the initial stages. According to recent studies, this shift is not just a personal preference but a growing trend backed by science and societal changes.</p><div><span class="fr-img-caption fr-fic fr-dib" style="width:600px"><span class="fr-img-wrap"><img src="https://od2-image-api.abs-cbn.com/prod/editorImage/174039492985620250219_195943_0000.png" style="width:600px" class="fr-fic fr-dib"/><span class="fr-inner">Delaying sex while dating has more benefits that you&#x27;d expect.</span></span></span></div><p><strong>Val</strong> (not her real name), 33, and a manager at a popular fintech company shares her insights and experiences as she pursues this. “At first, dry dating meant alcohol-free dates. Now, it&#x27;s dating without sex. It&#x27;s still sober dating in the sense that you are not intoxicated by your physical and sexual desires in making relationship decisions.”</p><div><br/></div><div><strong>It’s Getting Popular</strong></div><p>A 2023 study by <a href="https://www.dating.com" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Dating.com</a> found that <strong>43% of singles are now interested in dating without immediate sexual involvement</strong>, a big jump from previous years. <strong>Among women specifically, this number climbs to 53%</strong>, highlighting a collective desire for deeper emotional bonds before physical intimacy enters the picture.</p><p>Experts attribute this rise to several factors, including a renewed focus on emotional well-being, the impact of past relationship disappointments and mistakes, and the search for more meaningful partnerships. <strong>Dr. Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist and chief scientific advisor for </strong><a href="https://www.match.com" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>Match.com</strong></a><strong>, notes that “delaying physical intimacy allows the brain to form stronger emotional attachments, leading to more stable and fulfilling relationships.”</strong></p><p>When asked why, Val shares, “I just really wanted to try something new from the way I approached dating before. Maybe it&#x27;s my age, too. Being in my 30s made me realize how much I need to be more intentional and clear about what I want out of dating; after all, I don&#x27;t have as much time and energy as I used to.”</p><p>It’s important to note that this hasn’t always been her style of dating either. “This is the first time I’m intentionally putting sex off the table. I figured after all the previous relationships that didn’t work out, I should do something different.</p><p>Honestly, I&#x27;m just exhausted from repeating the same old patterns—attracting and choosing not-so-quality partners, and worse, sticking with them because I&#x27;ve already ‘invested’, AKA we were already intimate. In the past, sex was, by default, a given. It would be my signal that this guy must be special, must have potential, must be a keeper. I found myself having to rationalize why I had sex instead of actually getting to know the person—he ‘must be’ this and that instead of he ‘is’ this and that. It clouded me to see the red flags and incompatibilities because I created this image of who was ‘worth having sex with.’ It took a while to realize, but I know a big part of the projection was really driven by the sex.”</p><div><strong><br/></strong></div><div><strong>The Mental &amp; Emotional Perks</strong></div><p>Research has long suggested that taking sex out of the early stages of dating can result in healthier relationship dynamics. A 2022 study from the <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/home/spr" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Journal of Social and Personal Relationships</a> found that couples who delayed sexual activity for at least three months reported higher levels of satisfaction and emotional security compared to those who became intimate early on.</p><div><span class="fr-img-caption fr-fic fr-dib" style="width:600px"><span class="fr-img-wrap"><img src="https://od2-image-api.abs-cbn.com/prod/editorImage/174039518904120250219_195943_0002.png" style="width:600px" class="fr-fic fr-dib"/><span class="fr-inner">Without the distractions of sexual chemistry, red flags become clearer, and emotional intelligence plays a larger role in decision-making.</span></span></span></div><p>“I think dry dating allows you to focus and enjoy the getting-to-know stage, gauge if you want to commit, and see your compatibility levels early on. I say early on because with dry dating, there’s nothing else to do but these foundational things. There’s no sex to distract you or cover up a fight. It also allows you to be confident in what you have—it gives reassurance that you’re not just in this to get a quick lay. You also become more disciplined. It’s always the hardest to go against the grain, so now we practice self-control. Not to sound pessimistic, but I think the biggest perk is that if it doesn’t work out between me and the guy, it’s easier to let go. On a more positive note, I&#x27;m also able to rediscover my interests, character, and values. I get to be goofy because I don’t have to put on this ‘sexy persona’ that’s cool and liberated. I don’t have to ‘show off’ or ‘perform’, I can just be me,” Val thoughtfully adds.</p><p>By removing the pressure of physical intimacy, women are finding it easier to assess compatibility on a deeper level. Without the distractions of sexual chemistry, red flags become clearer, and emotional intelligence plays a larger role in decision-making. This can help decrease emotional burnout and improve the overall relationship.</p><p>“I feel more in control of my emotions instead of being run by them. Mentally, I feel more grounded and present—I don’t feel as insecure as before because I don’t have doubts if we are on the same page, if I’m being used, or what his intentions are. I guess by holding back, we were forced to go all out everywhere else—being more honest and upfront about what we want in the relationship, and going out of our comfort zones to explore different love languages for each other. I also have more time to get to know my partner because my mind isn’t consumed about whether or not he likes me. Now, I get excited about our future because it feels more real. Somehow, the sacrifice is building us a stronger foundation,” Val weighs in.</p><div><strong><br/></strong></div><div><strong>A Shift in Dating Norms and Expectations</strong></div><p>The rise of dry dating also signals a shift in cultural attitudes toward modern romance. While past generations may have associated dating with a natural progression toward sexual involvement, today’s women are rewriting the narrative. According to a 2023 survey by <a href="https://bumble.com/" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Bumble</a>, 35% of women are now more upfront about their decision to delay intimacy, a move that fosters greater transparency and respect in dating interactions.</p><p>Many are also embracing dry dating as a means of self-empowerment. By setting clear boundaries and prioritizing their own emotional well-being, women are reclaiming control over their romantic experiences.</p><p>This shift is particularly prominent among Millennials and Gen Z, with 60% of young adults expressing interest in non-sexual dating as a form of intentional relationship-building, according to research by <a href="https://account.yougov.com/ph-en/join/main?sourceid=254325&amp;rlid=134884883696&amp;rlid2=yougov&amp;gad_source=1&amp;gclid=CjwKCAiAzvC9BhADEiwAEhtlN2IK6P6Ih2r2oZ81Lb-AKjhoQIiQ3WkheAgZWaiYQCBsQoJ7bnjEdRoCcKgQAvD_BwE" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">YouGov</a>.</p><div><span class="fr-img-caption fr-fic fr-dib" style="width:600px"><span class="fr-img-wrap"><img src="https://od2-image-api.abs-cbn.com/prod/editorImage/174039524874020250219_195943_0001.png" style="width:600px" class="fr-fic fr-dib"/><span class="fr-inner">The embrace of dry dating suggests a desire for more meaningful and intentional relationships.</span></span></span></div><div><strong>Try Dry</strong></div><p>For those considering dry dating, here are a few key strategies:<strong></strong></p><p><strong>Communicate your intentions early. </strong>Being upfront about your approach to dating can help filter out incompatible partners and ensure mutual respect.</p><p><strong>Focus on emotional intimacy. </strong>Deep conversations, shared experiences, and quality time can strengthen your connection without the need for physical intimacy. </p><p><strong>Surround yourself with supportive voices. </strong>Engaging with like-minded individuals or support groups can reinforce your decision and provide encouragement.</p><p><strong>Know your Dos and Don&#x27;ts: </strong>Take note of when you’re most vulnerable, plan ahead, and avoid those situations.</p><p><strong>Trust the process.</strong> While dry dating may feel unconventional in a hypersexualized culture, studies indicate that it often leads to more fulfilling and lasting relationships.</p><div><br/></div><p>“Dry dating isn’t easy, it can be very frustrating. In my case, given my past, it may make you feel unwanted. Make sure you recognize your self-worth before dry dating—actually, before dating in general. Also, know your why so that when your boundaries are being challenged, you can remain firm. You can remember that this is for your own good and your own well-being,” as advised by Val.</p><div><br/></div><div><strong>Dating Wide Awake</strong></div><p>As modern dating continues to evolve, the embrace of dry dating suggests a desire for more meaningful and intentional relationships. Women are leading this movement (talk about girl power), proving that love and connection don’t have to be defined by sexual expectations. Instead, they are prioritizing emotional depth, self-worth, and genuine compatibility—entering a path toward a more conscious and fulfilling dating experience.</p><p>“It validated how important sex is but not in an I-must-have-it-now kind of way. It’s exciting me to wait for it, to savor it, and to save it within the confines of marriage. I now see the value of sex within a lifetime commitment and how it is much more flattering to be desired in a way that a man is willing to wait and work hard for. That, in particular, is something I’m relearning, because my usual standard to feel desired is for a man to want me sexually right away. I liked it when a man just ‘had to have me’ and couldn’t keep their hands to themselves. I still feel insecure at times, but my partner would tell me that having sex is easy, waiting is harder, and I’m worth waiting for,” Val shares.</p><p>Call me old fashioned, but romance should come without pressure, and dry dating offers a refreshing alternative—one where love naturally blooms through conversation, emotional alignment, and shared foundational values, rather than an immediate sexual relationship that could collapse in itself. And as the numbers show, more people are ready to embrace this shift toward deeper, more deliberate connections.</p><p>It’s about time we become honest with ourselves and reflect on how our dating habits and choices affect us in the greater scheme of things. Maybe it&#x27;s time to put the horse back before the carriage. Remember, sex is great—it’s worth the wait.</p>

Dry Dating: Why Modern Women Are Choosing to Date Without Sex

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Dry Dating: Why Modern Women Are Choosing to Date Without Sex

Danah Gutierrez

Published Feb 24, 2025 07:00 PM PHT

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Updated Feb 24, 2025 07:20 PM PHT

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