Arthur Fuentes

Article (news)

Aneth Ng-Lim, Paying it Forward

Aneth Ng-Lim

<p>While her friend and her spouse are both working, they are raising half a dozen children, so she always says that money is tight.  She has used this excuse through the years to ask Annie for help, and Annie could not say no.</p><p>It started with a few thousands to pay for tuition, then later for school trips, a mobile phone for the oldest child, a laptop for school, car repairs, roof repairs, medical emergencies, and more. Sometimes Annie would get paid, but it seems just enough so her friend can borrow again and borrow bigger amounts.</p><p>Then the whispers started: How her friend is living beyond their family’s means. That they moved to a new townhouse on a nice part of town. They just came back from a long vacation overseas.  One of the kids will soon study abroad.</p><p>Annie started to see this for herself on social media. Their posts paint a picture of a family living a good life, and one that, based on what her friend has been saying for years, they cannot afford.  Because her friend still comes to Annie for loans, which feel like handouts because of many failed promises to pay.  Growingly upset, Annie wants to start saying no and ask for her money back but hesitates to lose their friendship.</p><p>Many among us are just like Annie.  We have friends or family or both who come to us for help, and not just once.  Some of us actually feel like their friends’ or family’s ATM, being approached for cash whenever they need it.  It’s okay to help, and most of us are willing to do it for the right reasons, but you also need to set boundaries.</p><p>Start by saying no the next time they ask.  Regardless of the reason for the loan, just say no and see how they would react.  If you keep saying yes, you are sending the signal that you and your wallet are always available. Say no and maybe you will realize that they don’t really need it, or there are others they can turn to for help.</p><p>In Annie’s case, and for those of you in similar situations, here are some suggestions to get back your money and stop the bleeding.</p><div><strong>#1 Write it all down</strong></div><p>Even among family and friends, amounts borrowed should be documented for the tracking of both parties.  It’s unusual for the loans to have interest, but in case that was agreed, write that down too.  By tracking, you can see when you have helped too much, and the borrower can also be alerted that you are treating this as a debt that needs to be paid back.</p><div><strong>#2 Agree on a payment schedule</strong></div><p>If you want to see your money again, you need to set a payment date.  Most borrowers come to you in an emergency, so you hesitate to ask when you will be paid back.  But without a date, you are less likely to have that debt settled.  Once you have a tracker, you need to include a set payment date for each loan.</p><div><strong>#3 Ask for your money back</strong></div><p>Sadly, very few borrowers pay without being reminded.  You need to ask for your money back, so you don’t give the impression that you can wait.  What Annie needs to do is sit down with her friend, show her the list of unpaid debts, the (missed) payment dates for each (if they even set), and simply ask to be paid back.</p><div><strong>#4 No need to offer explanations</strong></div><p>Most lenders feel they owe their debtors an explanation why they should be paid.  Maybe you want to say you have to pay back someone, or you need to buy a car, or make up some excuse.  You don’t.  There should be no reason to collect except that it is your money and it should be returned to you.  So just ask for your money, because it is yours.</p><div><strong>#5 Consider payment in kind</strong></div><p>There are times when the borrower simply cannot pay you back.  Because they owe so many others.  Their salaries are probably deducted many times over.  While they could be cash-strapped, they may be able to pay you in kind.  If you don’t mind, take a laptop, or a tablet, or a mobile phone, appliances, furniture, even designer bags.  Sadly, people who owe money are impulse buyers, so they could have the goods but not the cash.</p><div><strong>#6 Partial payments okay too</strong></div><p>In the event a full payment is not possible, it’s okay to take partial payment for now.  But you need to agree when the rest of the payment is coming, or if you will just write it off.  In these cases, you can consider the reason or reasons for the loan/s.  If they were used for emergencies and your family member or friend is still in need, you decide how much debt to pardon.  But the decision should be yours to make.   It’s not the debtor who gets to decide if and when and how much of the loan will be paid.</p><div><strong>#7 Call family and friends for help</strong></div><p>This is a last resort, but sometimes you need a third party to intercede.  Someone borrowed money from me once because we had a mutual connection who I trusted.  Then the borrower missed the payment date and stopped replying to messages.  I had to send a final message that if I don’t hear back, I will have to let our mutual connection know.  The debt was paid within days.  I say this is a last resort because this could burn bridges.  Then again, someone once said debt bridges sometimes call for detonation.</p><div><span class="fr-video fr-deletable fr-fvc fr-dvb fr-draggable" contenteditable="false" draggable="true"><iframe width="640" height="360" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/sqYv_YFdhso?&amp;wmode=opaque&amp;rel=0" frameBorder="0" allowfullscreen="" class="fr-draggable"></iframe></span><br/></div>

<p>We have friends or family or both who come to us for help, and not just once. Some of us actually feel like their friends’ or family’s ATM.</p>

We have friends or family or both who come to us for help, and not just once. Some of us actually feel like their friends’ or family’s ATM.

When a friend keeps borrowing money, here’s how to say no and get paid back

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When a friend keeps borrowing money, here’s how to say no and get paid back

Aneth Ng-Lim

Published July 23, 2025 11:43 AM PHT

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